The Tony Todde' Blogg

RIHANNA GETS GUN TATTOOS!

2009-03-27T12:23:00.002-05:00

Five months after Rihanna was allegedly beaten up by Chris Brown, the artist went out and got two gun tattoos on either side of her rib cage, according to Los Angeles-based tattoo artist BangBang.

The 21-year-old singer -- who often wears a miniature gun pendant necklace – first had him draw two guns on the lower part of her shoulders, but she decided not to get inked there because of her contract with Cover girl.

BangBang put two pictures of Rihanna up on his MySpace page. The first showed the guns drawn near her shoulders, along with the caption: "I really wanted to put it here [on her arms]... She loved 'em. But, Cover Girl wouldn’t have liked it much... and they pay the bills!"

MARIAH CAREY SHOPPING FOR BABY NURSERY?

2009-03-27T12:13:00.003-05:00

Mariah Carey is not pregnant, but has reportedly spent $200,000 on baby furniture in preparation for a little bundle of joy someday.

According to the New York Daily News, the songbird got her shop on at a children's store in San Francisco for the new Hollywood home she intends to buy with husband Nick Cannon. Among the items she allegedly purchased were a pink crib and highchair.

Contacted for comment, a rep for Carey would only say of the story, "not true."

As previously reported, the Daily News quoted sources close to the singer who claimed she made an offer on the David Saperstein estate in the exclusive western L.A. neighborhood of Holmby Hills. Her neighbors would be the Beckhams and Hugh Hefner.

"It's 45,000 square feet and looks like a European castle," says the insider. "It's so big, it can't even be called a mansion - it's similar to Buckingham Palace!"

Carey is said to be putting in a few touches of her own, most notably the nursery. Says the source, "She has asked [interior decorator] Kenneth Bordewick to advise on her new home and has requested an all-pink nursery. It's going to be over the top."

Despite alleged plans for the baby room, there is no indication that the singer is pregnant. But an insider tells the paper, "Mariah has tossed around the idea of adopting."

TABLOID SAYS CHRIS/RIHANNA SEX TAPE EXISTS: Star claims Rihanna is afraid it will go public! Do You Have a Sex Tape that could go Public? Hmmmmm...

2009-03-25T22:38:00.013-05:00

Star magazine is reporting that Rihanna is concerned about the release of a sex tape she allegedly made with Chris Brown, who is currently charged with two felonies in connection with her beating last month.

The magazine's March 30 issue reports that Rihanna "allowed Chris to record some of their intimate moments and she worries that the racy tapes could ruin her."

"Rihanna has no issues with her sexuality," a source tells Star. "But she'd be mortified if her friends and family found this out!"

According to the magazine, insiders say Rihanna is still emotionally fragile and vulnerable since the Feb. 8 assault that left her nearly unconscious.

"This whole beating incident is terribly humiliating for her. She's already traumatized and will do anything to make it all go away as quickly as possible," explains the insider.

Meanwhile, yesterday's scheduled in-chambers conference requested by Brown's lawyer Mark Geragos was postponed. Further details were not available at press time.

Geragos was supposed to meet behind closed doors with Judge Patricia Schnegg, and Rihanna's attorney, Donald Etra. Brown's arraignment on felony charges of assault and making criminal threats is still scheduled to take place on April 6.

CHRIS BROWN CHARGED WITH (2) FELONIES!

2009-03-05T15:20:00.005-06:00

Chris Brown has been charged with two felonies stemming from what a police detective describes as a brutal argument between the singer and his girlfriend, Rihanna, provoked by her discovery of a text message from another woman.

Brown is expected to be arraigned Thursday afternoon on charges of assault likely to cause great bodily injury and making criminal threats. The 19-year-old R&B singer remains free on $50,000 bail.

The felony complaint handed down in court Thursday morning identifies Brown's alleged victim only as "Robyn F." Rihanna's real name is Robyn Rihanna Fenty.

If convicted, the possible sentence ranges anywhere from probation to four years and eight months in state prison, said district attorney's spokeswoman Sandi Gibbons.

According to a detective's affidavit, Brown and Rihanna got into a fight early Feb. 8 after the "Umbrella" singer checked her boyfriend's cell phone and found a text message from another woman.

Brown pulled his car over and tried to push Rihanna out, but she was still wearing her seatbelt, Los Angeles police Detective De Shon Andrews wrote. He said Brown pushed Rihanna's head against the window, punched her with his right hand, and then continued driving while hitting her, the affidavit states. He also bit his girlfriend on the ear, the affidavit states.

The affidavit was filed as part of a search warrant request for the phone records of Brown, Rihanna and her assistant.

Brown allegedly threatened to kill Rihanna after she pretended to leave a phone message with her assistant, telling her to have the police waiting at her house.

Andrews described Brown's blows as causing Rihanna's mouth to fill with blood. He also writes that Brown tried to choke Rihanna after she took the keys to his car away. Andrews wrote that Rihanna nearly lost consciousness but also tried to fight back while in the car, at one point trying to gouge at Brown's eyes.

Brown was arrested hours later and booked him on suspicion of making criminal threats. Police said at the time a woman identified Brown as her attacker during an early morning dispute in an upscale Los Angeles neighborhood.

A phone message left for Brown's attorney, Mark Geragos, was not immediately returned Thursday. Brown's publicist Tony Knight said any statement would likely come from Geragos after today's hearing.

Rihanna's spokesperson had no comment on the charges filed against Brown.

Brown issued a statement a week after the incident saying that he was "sorry and saddened" about the incident. Rihanna also later issued a statement, saying she wouldn't comment on the alleged beating at the request of authorities. She thanked fans for their support.

Brown's arrest has seriously damaged the "Run It!" singer's squeaky-clean image, and compelled sponsors to drop him or not renew his deals.

The alleged attack also came hours before the couple were scheduled to appear and perform at the Grammy Awards. Both were no-shows for event.

Halle's New Fragrance!

2009-03-03T21:11:00.001-06:00

"Halle by Halle Berry," a new fragrance from the Oscar-winning actress in partnership with Coty, is finally set to arrive on store shelves this week, reports the Examiner.com.

The scent features mimosa and fig essences that are meant to evoke "the spirit of a woman who is effortlessly sexy, stylish, and elegant."

"For years I have created my own personal scents by mixing and layering fragrances, trying to come up with something unique and different," Berry says. "It's a wonderful form of self-expression and I am thrilled to be working with Coty on my debut fragrance."

Advertising for the perfume was shot on a beach in Oahu, Hawaii by photographer and director Cliff Watts.

In other Berry news, the film star, her boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey and their daughter Nahla Aubrey were spotted shopping in Malibu on Saturday afternoon (Feb. 28).

A source says they had just purchased Levi’s jeans for Gabriel before heading back to their hybrid Lexus SUV, with Berry placing little Nahla in her child seat while dad held her toy bunny.

Rihanna and Chris Brown Back Together!

2009-03-03T20:58:00.009-06:00

Rihanna and Chris Brown left Miami Beach, Fla. on Sunday and are now back in Los Angeles, where Brown is tentatively scheduled to be arraigned Thursday in connection with her beating.

After spending the past few days hunkered down at the home of Sean "Diddy" Combs on Star Island, the controversially reunited pair was spotted boarding a private jet together at Miami International Airport late Sunday night.

TMZ.com has grainy, long-lens photos of the couple leaving the airport and exiting the same plane together in Los Angeles early Monday morning.

Brown's scheduled arraignment on Thursday may be postponed if detectives don't turn over the case soon enough. As of Monday morning, prosecutors tell E! News they have yet to see the evidence.

Since that incident occurred on Feb. 8, Rihanna spent solo time in Los Angeles, Mexico and her native Barbados, while Brown traveled to Las Vegas and his Virginia hometown before jetting to Miami. Word broke late Friday that the couple had reunited at Diddy's mansion to work on their relationship.

Over the weekend, the "Disturbia" singer remained out of sight, while Brown, for the first time since his Feb. 8 arrest, was photographed jet skiing in the waters around Diddy's compound. He had also been logging late-night sessions at Miami's Hit Factory studios, working on his new album, in the days leading up to their reunion.

Reps for both Rihanna and Chris Brown have so far refused to comment on the seeming reconciliation, though Rihanna's father made clear over the weekend that he supported his daughter, whatever direction her personal life may take.

"I love my daughter with whatever road she takes," Ronald Fenty told Us Weekly. "I'm behind her win or lose. I will be supportive. If that's the road she wants to choose, I'm behind her. I hope to see her soon. I talked to her after her birthday, and she told me she's OK."

Rihanna's other family members, however, have not been so supportive. "Everyone wants them to take a break, to cool off," a relative of Rihanna tells People.com. "No one wants them back together."

"I'm concerned," continues the relative. "I don't want her to make a mistake, and I don't want her to ever go through this again."

Meanwhile, Brown was the victim of mistaken identity over the weekend when he was falsely reported to have been partying with Young Jeezy, Reggie Bush and Khloe Kardashian at the Gansevoort South Hotel in South Beach.

Kardashian wrote on her blog, "So I woke up this morning to a ridiculous amount of missed calls and news EVERYWHERE that I had been spotted out and about in Miami with Chris Brown. The funny part about this alleged 'news' is that I've never even met Chris Brown!"

The reason for the confusion? "Reggie's best friend looks just like Chris Brown," says a source close to Kardashian. "They were all at the Gansevoort, but it wasn't Chris."

Repo Man Shoots Car Owner Doing Repossession - Two Weeks After He Got Marrried!

2009-02-27T12:51:00.010-06:00

Georgia Tanks, wife of Victim

Alone in his mobile home off a winding dirt road, Jimmy Tanks heard a commotion at 2:30 a.m. just outside his bedroom window: Somebody was messing with his car.

The 67-year-old railroad retiree grabbed a gun, walked out the back door and confronted not a thief but a repo man and two helpers trying to tow off the Chrysler Sebring. Shots were fired, and Tanks wound up dead, a bullet in his chest.

The man who came to repossess the car, Kenneth Alvin Smith, is awaiting trial on a murder charge in a state considered a Wild West territory even by the standards of an industry that's largely unregulated nationally. Since Tanks' death last June, two other repo men from the same company Smith worked for were shot, one fatally.

"It's gotten to where it's a crazy world out there," said Smith, 50, an ex-Marine who preaches part-time and sings gospel music. Smith said Thursday that he fired in self-defense after Tanks fired a shot.

With the U.S. dealing with an economic slide that has cost millions of jobs, the number of vehicle repossessions is expected to rise 5 percent this year. That's after it jumped 12 percent to 1.67 million nationally in 2008, said Tom Webb, chief economist with Manheim Consulting, an automotive marketing firm. That followed a 9 percent increase in 2007, creating more opportunities for bad outcomes in an industry where armed confrontations and threats happen every day.

Joe Taylor, whose Florida-based company insures repossession companies, said licensing and training is the answer to avoiding such violence.

"If a guy is just put right on the street without training, the potential for violence is very, very high," said Taylor, who runs Insurance Services USA.

Federal law says workers can't "breach the peace" while repossessing items, but it doesn't go further to state just what that means, leaving definitions up to courts.

All three Alabama shootings were in the middle of the night, which an industry leader said was a sign of a problem.

"The smart operators aren't out there at 2 or 3 o'clock at night with people who can put you in a bad situation," said Les McCook, executive director of the American Recovery Association, a trade group for repossession companies.

It was June 26 that the repo man came for Tanks' car in Halsell, a tiny, rural Choctaw County town near the Mississippi line. Tanks already had filed for bankruptcy and was behind on his payments, court documents show.

Tanks heard a noise and went outside with a gun, something anybody would do, said Choctaw County Sheriff James Lovette, who knew Tanks for years. Smith was indicted Tuesday, but no charges were filed against a man and his teenage son who accompanied Smith, said Lovette.

Smith's defense lawyer, Rusty Wright, said Tanks came out of the trailer and fired, and that Smith "just wanted to stop him."

"This is not the gunslinging cowboy that people think about with repo guys," Wright said. "(Smith) wasn't out to kill the guy."

The sheriff declined comment on whether Tanks shot at Smith.

Lovette said Smith worked out of Birmingham with Ascension Recovery, a subsidiary of the Chicago-based Renovo Services. The same recovery firm employed a repo man who was shot and killed on Jan. 8 in Birmingham, as well as a third worker who was wounded while towing a vehicle in the city on Feb. 10.

The CEO of Renovo Services, David Cowlbeck, didn't respond to questions sent by e-mail about the fatal shootings. He called the unsolved February wounding of 30-year-old Jason Williamson "a random act of violence."

"We trust that the perpetrators are quickly apprehended and charged accordingly," Cowlbeck said in a statement.

Lovette is asking the Alabama Sheriff's Association to push a bill limiting the hours when repossession companies can operate and requiring them to contact local law enforcement before working in an area.

"There's a time and place for everything, and 3 a.m. is not it," said Lovette.

The three states that actively license and monitor recovery agents — California, Florida and Louisiana — report less violence than other states, Taylor said. But most state legislatures aren't interested in repossession law until people start dying, he said.

"You don't find many state legislators who have had a car repossessed. They are just unfamiliar with that world," said Taylor.

Tanks was killed just two weeks after he married Georgia Tanks, who keeps a floral spray at the spot where he died beside the car, which is long gone. She wasn't at home the night he was killed because she was away teaching Vacation Bible School in nearby Meridian, Miss. She has filed a wrongful death suit in the slaying.

"It's senseless," she said, wiping away tears as she looked at their wedding photograph. "The legal stuff I don't know anything about. I just know God is going to let justice be done."

Smith, too, is haunted by what happened that night.

"I've played it through in my mind a million times to see if I could have done something different," he said. "I couldn't have."

Mayor of a California City Sends Out Racist Email of The Obama's White House!

2009-02-26T21:46:00.008-06:00

The mayor of Los Alamitos is coming under fire for an e-mail he sent out that depicts the White House lawn planted with watermelons, under the title "No Easter egg hunt this year."

Local businesswoman and city volunteer Keyanus Price, who is black, said Tuesday she received the e-mail from Mayor Dean Grose's personal account on Sunday and wants a public apology.

"I have had plenty of my share of chicken and watermelon and all those kinds of jokes," Price told The Associated Press. "I honestly don't even understand where he was coming from, sending this to me. As a black person receiving something like this from the city-freakin'-mayor - come on."

The Orange County Register first reported the e-mail on its Web site Tuesday night.

Grose confirmed to the AP that he sent the e-mail to Price and said he didn't mean to offend her. He said he was unaware of the racial stereotype that black people like watermelons.

He said he and Price are friends and serve together on a community youth board.

"Bottom line is, we laugh at things and I didn't see this in the same light that she did," Grose told the AP. "I'm sorry. It wasn't sent to offend her personally - or anyone - from the standpoint of the African-American race."

Grose, who became mayor in December, said he sent an apology e-mail to Price and her boss and also left her a voicemail apology.

Regardless, Price said it will be difficult for the two to work together.

"Now I am like - wow, is this really how he feels?" Price said.

Los Alamitos is a 2¼-square-mile Orange County city of around 12,000 people. The mayor is elected by fellow members of the five-seat City Council.

Octuplets Mom Offered $1 Million Dollars to appear in XXX film!

2009-02-26T20:09:00.006-06:00

If you were in Octomom's shoes and all of a sudden you had the opportunity to make a MILLION dollars if you did a porn film, would you do it?

That's the interesting situation that Nadya Suleman, finds her self in.

According to TMZ, adult film studio Vivid Entertainment has made Suleman, the cash-strapped mother of fourteen, a $1 million offer, plus a year of health insurance, in exchange for doing whatever they need her to do in a XXX film.

"Nadya obviously needs income to ensure that her children are secure, so we are offering her up to $1 million to act in one movie," says Vivid cochair Steven Hirsch.

"We've had many single mothers work with us over the years, and their income from Vivid has been very important to them. We would schedule production so the movie could be shot in less than one week."

Hirsch makes it clear that hooking up with Vivid makes good, bottom line sense for Suleman.

"There is a tremendous amount of interest in Nadya, and we can help her capitalize on that interest and put some real cash in her bank account,"

Hirsch also added that they would do their best to make sure Suleman wasn't put into any, er, compromising positions.

"As with our Vivid Girls, she would have her choice of partners, including 'Octodad.' "

The Obama Children's Dog Is on the Way!

2009-02-26T20:03:00.004-06:00

First Lady Michelle Obama tells People magazine that the White House dog can't come soon enough for her two girls, who have been hounding her about the exact date of its arrival for weeks.

After telling the magazine "You're getting some scoops here," Mrs. Obama said a new dog will join the family in April - after she and the President take daughters Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7, on a vacation for spring break.

Here's a sample of a typical family conversation on the matter: "So Sasha says, 'April 1st.' I said, 'April.' She says, 'April 1st.' It's, like, April!," Mrs. Obama recalls. "Got to do it after spring break. You can't get a new dog and then go away for a week."

The first lady says the family is looking for a rescue Portuguese Water dog who is "old enough" and a "match" for the family dynamic.

"Temperamentally they're supposed to be pretty good," she says of the breed that Sen. Ted Kennedy has also lobbied for (he has two Water dogs of his own). "From the size perspective, they're sort of middle of the road – it's not small, but it's not a huge dog. And the folks that we know who own them have raved about them. So that's where we're leaning."

A bone of contention, however, is the crop of names that Sasha and Malia have been considering for the dog.

"Oh, the names are really bad. I don't even want to mention it, because there are names floating around and they're bad," Mrs. Obama says with a laugh. "You listen and you go – like, I think, Frank was one of them. Frank! Moose was another one of them. Moose. I said, well, what if the dog isn't a moose? Moose. I'm like, no, come on, let's work with the names a little bit."

Asked if she can believe the public interest in her family dog search, Mrs. Obama shakes her head. "Okay, that's surprising," she says. "One of the things I didn't anticipate is the level of the excitement about the dog. I knew my kids were excited. They've been excited for years. They've even calmed down, because they feel like, 'They said we're going to get one, so let's just shut up about it.'"

Diplomatically, and careful not to insult enthusiastic dog-lovers, she adds: "It's all great and gracious attention. People are just being as helpful as you can imagine. So I know that we will find the perfect breed. And we'll find people who are caring folks who will help us find the dog of our dreams."

IS CHRIS BROWN ATTENDING ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES?

2009-02-26T18:45:00.004-06:00

The New York Daily News is reporting that Chris Brown has enrolled in anger management classes in the wake of allegations that he physically abused his girlfriend, Rihanna.

The troubled singer, who allegedly left Rihanna with a bloodied and bruised face after an altercation, reportedly attended his first anger management class on Monday. An unnamed source, however, says his motive for attending is more about his image than learning ways to control his aggression.

"Chris doesn't actually have to go by law," a Brown source told the Daily News, "but he believes it will make him look better to the public, and he wants to try to get in a few classes before March 5," when the crooner is due to appear in court on charges of making felony criminal threats.

Rihanna, who celebrated her 21st birthday on Friday, is reportedly set to appear in court to testify.

"She'll be there -- she has to testify," explained the source, adding that although Brown faces charges of a felony, he most likely won't face time in jail. "If Chris in convicted, it would be his first offense. He won't go to prison."

IS HE THE OCTUPLETS' FATHER?... "THE SPERM DONOR"

2009-02-25T18:23:00.009-06:00

A man who may be the biological father of Nadya Suleman's octuplets says he is willing to help the single mother of 14, even though he is not certain it was his donated sperm that she used to become pregnant.

In an exclusive interview airing this Monday on "Good Morning America," the possible father, Dennis Beaudoin, said Suleman brought him to the clinic at which she received in vitro fertilization to donate sperm, and that he made donations on two other occasions. He now believes Suleman was married at the time.

Suleman has denied that the man is the father, but he said his multiple sperm donations are cause for a paternity test.

The donor said he was "shocked and surprised" when he first learned that Suleman, who he said he dated from 1997 to 1999, had delivered octuplets on Jan. 23.
"I just really want to know if these are or these are not my kids," said the man, who was in his early twenties when he started dating Suleman.

Regardless of the children's paternity, the man said he is willing to help Suleman raise the children because he does not believe she can handle it on her own.
"Either which way, you know, know that if she needs it I'll lend a helping hand," he said.

The man said that at the time she first approached him about donating sperm, Suleman told him that she had cancer and was unable to conceive without the help of a doctor.

The man said he twice made donations at home. In at least one instance, he said, Suleman kept the sperm sample warm by placing the cup containing the sample between her breasts.

Chris Brown reportedly calls to wish Rihanna 'Happy Birthday'

2009-02-25T18:10:00.008-06:00

The New York Daily News is reporting that Rihanna – back in Los Angeles from Barbados – celebrated her 21st birthday Friday with a "celeb-free circle of friends" and a phone call from Chris Brown.

“Chris called Rihanna to wish her a happy birthday,” an "insider" told the newspaper. “He’s absolutely trying to get back into her good graces. He knows he’s very much in the doghouse right now, and is doing everything he can to show her how sorry he is.”

Brown is currently charged with making criminal threats in an alleged assault against Rihanna. The violent encounter left her hospitalized with bruises and cuts to her face.

The Daily News also claims that Brown sent Rihanna a diamond bracelet and necklace, as well as an iPod Touch for her birthday. "Plus, Brown’s mom, Joyce, who is said to adore Rihanna, sent over a bouquet of flowers," the newspaper reported.

Friday’s party, held in a rented house in the Hollywood Hills, had a casino theme, with professional croupiers brought in to deal for the pop princess and a few choice friends. “Her theme was ‘Blackjack 21’ and all the guests gambled,” according to the Daily News spy. “And although there was alcohol available, Rihanna wasn’t drinking.”

The source also said that Rihanna is healing quickly from her recent injuries: “She hasn’t scarred or anything. She was in a great mood. She was really celebrating not just her birthday, but life in general.”

After the intimate gathering, "Rihanna hopped into a waiting car and jetted off to her native Barbados, where she finished out her birthday weekend with her mom," according to the Daily News.

In other Rihanna news, there are unconfirmed reports that she was due to make a surprise appearance at the Academy Awards on Sunday, but opted to pull out following her assault.

Love and Relationships and Employment Discrimination!

2009-02-24T09:59:00.010-06:00

Under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), and the Age Discrimination in Employment Act (ADEA), it is illegal to discriminate in any aspect of employment, including:

•hiring and firing;
•compensation, assignment, or classification of employees;
•transfer, promotion, layoff, or recall;
•job advertisements;
•recruitment;
•testing;
•use of company facilities;
•training and apprenticeship programs;
•fringe benefits;
•pay, retirement plans, and disability leave; or
•other terms and conditions of employment. Discriminatory practices under these laws also include:

•harassment on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, or age;

•retaliation against an individual for filing a charge of discrimination,

participating in an investigation, or opposing discriminatory practices;

•employment decisions based on stereotypes or assumptions about the abilities,

traits, or performance of individuals of a certain sex, race, age, religion, or

ethnic group, or individuals with disabilities; and

•denying employment opportunities to a person because of marriage to, or association with, an individual of a particular race, religion, national origin, or an individual with a disability. Title VII also prohibits discrimination because of participation in schools or places of worship associated with a particular racial, ethnic, or religious group.

Employers are required to post notices to all employees advising them of their rights under the laws EEOC enforces and their right to be free from retaliation. Such notices must be accessible, as needed, to persons with visual or other disabilities that affect reading.

Note: Many states and municipalities also have enacted protections against discrimination and harassment based on sexual orientation, status as a parent, marital status and political affiliation. For information, please contact the EEOC District Office nearest you.

Other Discriminatory Practices Under Federal EEO Laws

Title VII

Title VII prohibits not only intentional discrimination, but also practices that have the effect of discriminating against individuals because of their race, color, national origin, religion, or sex.

National Origin Discrimination
• It is illegal to discriminate against an individual because of birthplace, ancestry, culture, or linguistic characteristics common to a specific ethnic group.
• A rule requiring that employees speak only English on the job may violate Title VII unless an employer shows that the requirement is necessary for conducting business. If the employer believes such a rule is necessary, employees must be informed when English is required and the consequences for violating the rule.

The Immigration Reform and Control Act (IRCA) of 1986 requires employers to assure that employees hired are legally authorized to work in the U.S. However, an employer who requests employment verification only for individuals of a particular national origin, or individuals who appear to be or sound foreign, may violate both Title VII and IRCA; verification must be obtained from all applicants and employees. Employers who impose citizenship requirements or give preferences to U.S. citizens in hiring or employment opportunities also may violate IRCA.

Additional information about IRCA may be obtained from the Office of Special Counsel for Immigration-Related Unfair Employment Practices at 1-800-255-7688 (voice), 1-800-237-2515 (TTY for employees/applicants) or 1-800-362-2735 (TTY for employers) or at http://www.usdoj.gov/crt/osc.

Religious Accommodation

•An employer is required to reasonably accommodate the religious belief of an employee or prospective employee, unless doing so would impose an undue hardship.

Sex Discrimination

Title VII's broad prohibitions against sex discrimination specifically cover:

•Sexual Harassment - This includes practices ranging from direct requests for sexual favors to workplace conditions that create a hostile environment for persons of either gender, including same sex harassment. (The "hostile environment" standard also applies to harassment on the bases of race, color, national origin, religion, age, and disability.)

•Pregnancy Based Discrimination - Pregnancy, childbirth, and related medical conditions must be treated in the same way as other temporary illnesses or conditions.

Additional rights are available to parents and others under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), which is enforced by the U.S. Department of Labor. For information on the FMLA, or to file an FMLA complaint, individuals should contact the nearest office of the Wage and Hour Division, Employment Standards Administration, U.S. Department of Labor. The Wage and Hour Division is listed in most telephone directories under U.S. Government, Department of Labor or at http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd_org.htm.

Age Discrimination in Employment Act

The ADEA's broad ban against age discrimination also specifically prohibits:
•statements or specifications in job notices or advertisements of age preference and limitations. An age limit may only be specified in the rare circumstance where age has been proven to be a bona fide occupational qualification (BFOQ);

•discrimination on the basis of age by apprenticeship programs, including joint labor-management apprenticeship programs; and

•denial of benefits to older employees. An employer may reduce benefits based on age only if the cost of providing the reduced benefits to older workers is the same as the cost of providing benefits to younger workers.

Equal Pay Act

The Equal Pay Act (EPA) prohibits discrimination on the basis of sex in the payment of wages or benefits, where men and women perform work of similar skill, effort, and responsibility for the same employer under similar working conditions.
Note that:

•Employers may not reduce wages of either sex to equalize pay between men and women.
•A violation of the EPA may occur where a different wage was/is paid to a person who worked in the same job before or after an employee of the opposite sex.
•A violation may also occur where a labor union causes the employer to violate the law.

Titles I and V of the Americans with Disabilities Act

The ADA prohibits discrimination on the basis of disability in all employment practices. It is necessary to understand several important ADA definitions to know who is protected by the law and what constitutes illegal discrimination:

Individual with a Disability

An individual with a disability under the ADA is a person who has a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities, has a record of such an impairment, or is regarded as having such an impairment. Major life activities are activities that an average person can perform with little or no difficulty such as walking, breathing, seeing, hearing, speaking, learning, and working.

Qualified Individual with a Disability

A qualified employee or applicant with a disability is someone who satisfies skill, experience, education, and other job-related requirements of the position held or desired, and who, with or without reasonable accommodation, can perform the essential functions of that position.

Reasonable Accommodation

Reasonable accommodation may include, but is not limited to, making existing facilities used by employees readily accessible to and usable by persons with disabilities; job restructuring; modification of work schedules; providing additional unpaid leave; reassignment to a vacant position; acquiring or modifying equipment or devices; adjusting or modifying examinations, training materials, or policies; and providing qualified readers or interpreters.

Reasonable accommodation may be necessary to apply for a job, to perform job functions, or to enjoy the benefits and privileges of employment that are enjoyed by people without disabilities. An employer is not required to lower production standards to make an accommodation. An employer generally is not obligated to provide personal use items such as eyeglasses or hearing aids.

Undue Hardship

An employer is required to make a reasonable accommodation to a qualified individual with a disability unless doing so would impose an undue hardship on the operation of the employer's business. Undue hardship means an action that requires significant difficulty or expense when considered in relation to factors such as a business' size, financial resources, and the nature and structure of its operation.

Prohibited Inquiries and Examinations

Before making an offer of employment, an employer may not ask job applicants about the existence, nature, or severity of a disability. Applicants may be asked about their ability to perform job functions. A job offer may be conditioned on the results of a medical examination, but only if the examination is required for all entering employees in the same job category. Medical examinations of employees must be job-related and consistent with business necessity.

Drug and Alcohol Use
Employees and applicants currently engaging in the illegal use of drugs are not protected by the ADA when an employer acts on the basis of such use. Tests for illegal use of drugs are not considered medical examinations and, therefore, are not subject to the ADA's restrictions on medical examinations. Employers may hold individuals who are illegally using drugs and individuals with alcoholism to the same standards of performance as other employees.

The Civil Rights Act of 1991

The Civil Rights Act of 1991 made major changes in the federal laws against employment discrimination enforced by EEOC. Enacted in part to reverse several Supreme Court decisions that limited the rights of persons protected by these laws, the Act also provides additional protections. The Act authorizes compensatory and punitive damages in cases of intentional discrimination, and provides for obtaining attorneys' fees and the possibility of jury trials. It also directs the EEOC to expand its technical assistance and outreach activities.

Equal Employment Opportunity

1407 Union Ave, Memphis, TN 38104

(901) 544-0115

www.eeoc.gov

MAKING LOVE LAST: (6) Promises That Will Bring You Closer Together

2009-02-24T00:24:00.003-06:00

My beloved soul mate, Gordon, and I recently got married. You may be thinking something like, "Oh, how fabulous, love is a sweet promise, even at their age." Or maybe you're thinking, "Why would a woman of almost 60 want to get married again? Is she nuts?" Gordon and I laugh about being on the longest, hottest date in history.

But because of past disappointments and hurts, we're more realistic about what it takes to make love work. This time around, we wanted to do more than exchange the lofty, traditional "love, honor, and cherish" vows. We wanted to think through the behaviors that make love a day-by-day reality and create down-to-earth vows to shape and hold our marriage together.

A vow is a statement of intention that's a blueprint for action. It isn't a static statement like "I'll love you forever." Vows are commitments to specific behaviors to practice every day. Whether you're in a relationship or not, thinking about the kind of behaviors that nurture love can help you build a better union. Though it may seem that love is an effortless grace that will last forever, sustaining it takes conscious effort. Here are examples of vows to help you put love into action.

"I vow to not go to bed angry"

After a juicy fight, it's tempting to hole up and nurse your grievances, or at least turn your back on your partner and fall asleep in your own little cocoon of misery. But research from the famous "Love Lab" at the University of Washington suggests that making an overture at reconciliation is a much better plan.

Psychologist John Gottman, PhD, found that a couple's ability to bridge the gap after a squabble is one of the keys to lasting relationship success. And as much as you love one another, there are bound to be times when you get miffed. Even a simple statement such as, "I feel so anxious when we're at odds. How are you doing?" can turn a disagreement around. On the other hand, if you're really at fault, an apology is the best possible bridge between two hearts.

"I vow to keep our romance going--even when I'm not feeling romantic"

My friend Dana was stressed by the toll that motherhood was taking on her marriage. She and her husband, Allen, had been together for 10 years before their daughter was born, and they loved going out to restaurants, movies, and clubs. But when they had Stacey, their priorities shifted.

Like most new parents, they were exhausted and short on funds. Allen felt abandoned because the lion's share of Dana's attention went to the baby. Their romance seemed dead, and he became resentful. Dana vowed to turn things around. So she started the tradition of weekly date nights, where they get a babysitter, go out as a couple, and focus on each other. They're still going strong 10 years later, and she's an inspiration to busy me to put aside one night a week just for Gordon.

"I vow to be honest"

Most women lie about their feelings to placate someone else, a pattern guaranteed to breed resentment. Let's say your partner decides to watch the Super Bowl with a buddy--but it's also the night that you're returning from an exhausting weeklong sales trip. He assumes you want to unpack; you really want to spend the evening with him, but don't want to be a nag. So you're cheerful and supportive when he runs the plan by you.

But inside you're hurt and angry, and when he gets home after the game, you're resentful and touchy instead of delighted to see him. That's the antithesis of real love. Vowing to be honest about your feelings promotes intimacy and cuts down on resentment.

"I vow to stay faithful--even if I'm tempted"

Although you may have trouble imagining that you or your partner could succumb to a fatal attraction scenario, it happens--a lot. Even though most people say they disapprove of extramarital sex, carefully constructed polls estimate that 28% of married men and 17% of women have had affairs by their early 50s. It's human nature to feel at least occasional sexual attraction to other people. Acting on those attractions, however, is where this vow comes in.

The jealousy and anger that unfaithfulness breeds are the natural enemies of love and commitment.

"I vow to take care of myself"

After Gordon and I had been married for a month, my oldest son called and started joking: "Hey, Mom, how are you guys doing? Have you gotten fat yet?" We've all seen couples where one partner is buff and the other looks old enough to be his or her parent.

As a therapist, I've listened to the disappointment that follows when someone is no longer attracted to a partner who has let himself or herself go physically. I've also witnessed the sorrow when one partner falls ill or even dies of a preventable condition, leaving the other one feeling abandoned. One of the vows I've made both for myself and my husband is to take care of myself physically and emotionally so that I remain vital for as long as I can.

"I vow to cultivate intimacy"

When Gordon asks me how I am, he's not expecting to hear a mindless, "Fine, dear. You?" He really wants to understand how I'm feeling. That's intimacy--and I plan for us to stay as close as we are now for decades to come. Intimacy is a kind of mindfulness, a nonjudgmental curiosity about what's unfolding each moment for the other person. You cultivate it by listening deeply, without trying to solve each other's problems or butt in with your own story. Just being heard is a great antidote to stress, and it's one of the finest gifts you can give your partner.

Try writing your own vows for your romantic relationship, or for a friend, a parent, a child, or a trusted coworker. Even if the vows are for your eyes only, intentions have power. Put them in a place where you can check them often. A final word:

Be gentle with yourself. A vow like, "Above all, be honest," is bound to take continual practice.

TIGER WOODS' NEW SON!

2009-02-21T22:59:00.009-06:00

Tiger Woods shows off his adorable son Charlie Axel Woods. The golfer and wife Elin Nordegren welcomed their first son on Feb. 8.

Tiger Woods kisses his son Charlie in a family photo taken on February 17, 2009 in Orlando, Florida.

"Both Charlie and Elin are doing great, and we want to thank everyone for their sincere best wishes and kind thoughts," Woods blogged on his Web site the day Charlie was born.

"Sam is very excited to be a big sister and we feel truly blessed to have such a wonderful family," Woods blogged.

Woods has been a stay-at-home dad since injuring his knee in June 2008, but will soon return to the PGA tour, Golf reports.

Rihanna's Relatives Speak Out!

2009-02-21T22:46:00.005-06:00

The new issue of People magazine, on sale today, features Rihanna on the cover along with the headline, "Rihanna's Nightmare: Arguments, Jealousy and Hotel-Room Trashing. What Led to the Violence and How She's Coping."

The cover story features comments from an unnamed relative regarding her relationship with boyfriend Chris Brown, who is being investigated for allegedly assaulting Rihanna in Los Angeles.

Brown "flew so far under everyone's radar that we just didn't think he was that abusive type," said the family member. "He was always looking after her needs, making sure she was happy."

When asked about the suggestion of Rihanna's father, Ronald Fenty, to "move on" when it comes to his daughter's relationship with Brown, the relative agrees. "I don't want her to go back to him. I don't think anyone does."

Meanwhile, E! News is quoting a source who claims Rihanna has left Barbados, where she spent the last several days with family and friends while recuperating from injuries sustained in the attack. Her destination, however, was not reported.

E! is also reporting that Rihanna's record sales have jumped following the incident. Sales of her 2007 album, "Good Girl Gone Bad," surged 33 percent, selling another 25,000 copies at No. 31. Meanwhile, Brown's 2007 album, "Exclusive," continued to see sluggish sales, failing to register among the Top 200.

The Web site for ABC News put out a story this week titled "Black Community Bitter About Chris Brown: Parents, Kids and Celebrities Upset About Brown-Rihanna Abuse."

Rihanna's Photo From The Chris Brown Domestic Violence Altercation!

2009-02-20T15:25:00.004-06:00

It's the picture of Rihanna we've been waiting to see ever since the infamous beating of her, allegedly by singer/dancer Chris Brown, went down the morning of the Grammy Awards on February 8.

The photo, obtained by ... surprise, TMZ.com, shows just how brutally the pop star/singer was beaten. If her attacker is indeed Chris Brown, the evidence against him is even more overwhelming than we imagined.

But that's a whole other issue. The problem here is that the release of the photo is unauthorized and LAPD is not happy.

The Los Angeles Police Department has started an internal investigation to find out who the culprit is. Maybe they could start by asking TMZ how they got the photo. In any event below (Rihanna's injury photo) is their press release dealing with the matter:

Los Angeles: The unauthorized release of a domestic violence photograph immediately generated an internal investigation.

At about 7 p.m. on February 19, 2009, the Los Angeles Police Department Media Relations Section began receiving numerous inquiries about the release of a photograph associated with a domestic violence incident that occurred on February 8, 2009, involving entertainer Chris Brown.

The photograph appeared on an entertainment website. The photograph has the appearance of one taken during an official Domestic Violence investigation.
The Los Angeles Police Department takes seriously its duty to maintain the confidentiality of victims of domestic violence.

The Department launched an immediate internal investigation and subsequently filed a personnel complaint.

A violation of this type is considered serious misconduct, with penalties up to and including termination.

Screenwriter and Author, Dan Gordon: "Postcards from Heaven" - Messages of Love from the Other Side

2009-02-17T08:10:00.010-06:00

Dan Gordon is the writer of the hit TV series Highway to Heaven. His live theatre credits include: Rain Man, Terms of Endearment, and the inspiring new off Broadway hit Irena's Vow. His screenwriting credits include The Hurricane, starring Denzel Washington; Murder in the First, Wyatt Earp with Kevin Cosner, and The Celestine Prophecy. He is the cofounder of the Zaki Gordon Institute for Independent Filmmaking in Sedona, Arizona; and has been a guest lecturer at Columbia University School of the Arts, USC School of Cinematic Arts, UCLA School of Theater, Film, and Television, and Tel Aviv University in Israel and Author of 6 Published Books

"Nearly all of us either have had or have heard of an experience in which a soul already departed reaches back to us who have been left behind.... Sometimes, it's no more than a whisper, a familiar smell in the air, or just the feeling of presence as vivid as when the loved one was still alive. These moments are just that...moments, a glimpse behind the veil; not a letter from heaven, but a postcard." (Dan Gordon, Postcards from Heaven)

A postcard from heaven is not a revelation from on high -- rather, it's "a whisper, a familiar smell in the air, or just the feeling of presence" of someone who's passed away. It is just enough of a message to imply that what we call life is not ended by what we call death.

Dan Gordon has been receiving these postcards all his life -- from his father, his older brother, and his son Zaki, who was killed in a car accident when he was only twenty-two.

Postcards from Heaven is the beautiful, inspirational memoir of four generations of a remarkable family and how they remain interconnected, a part of one another's stories, even after passing to the other side.

Here is the span of his father's long life, moving and funny, from the Russian Revolution to his improbable Depression-era courtship of a woman named Goddess -- Gordon's mother -- to his spiritual later years in Israel; his incorrigible older brother's mischievous magic, able to find humor even in cancer treatment; and his brilliant son, a natural storyteller who looked destined to follow his father into the movie business.

These are the stories of their lives on earth as well as after death.

Full of humor, compassion, and love, Postcards from Heaven comforts andassures us that those we loved can reach back to those of us still on earth -- and, if only we are attentive enough to listen, we can hear them say,

Got here safe.
It's really beautiful.

Much love, till we meet again.

Purchase this book at:
www.postcardsfromheavenonline.com

www.amazon.com

www.bn.com

IS CHRIS BROWN A WOMAN BEATER?

2009-02-11T16:37:00.011-06:00

Troubled singer Chris Brown may have roughed up Rihanna before the alleged altercation that took place before the Grammy Awards early Sunday.

A Rihanna friend told US that the two's relationship had been "volatile," and that Rihanna had been sporting bruises as early as December, according to the story.
I asked if everything was OK with her and Chris." "She told me, 'We broke up again.' I didn't pursue the issue further."

Meanwhile, Brown may have more than just his problems with the police to deal with.
Hip-hop powerhouse Jay-Z, who rapped "99 Problems," was enraged when he heard that Brown allegedly beat up Rihanna, the R&B star whom Jay-Z discovered and mentored.
"He hit the roof," a source close to him told Us Weekly. "Chris is a walking dead man. He messed with the wrong crew."

Brown, 19, allegedly left gal pal Rihanna with contusions to her face, a cut lip, bloody nose and bite marks on her arm and fingers following an argument the night before both were to perform at the Grammys.

Residents called 911 after hearing her screams, and police said Rihanna's shrieks could be heard in the background.

"It mostly recorded the sound of a screaming woman," LAPD Detective Deshon Andrews said.

The couple had hit a rough patch in their yearlong romance, according to MTV, and blog rumors swirling around the pair - including offhand re marks about infidelity and fights - didn't help.

The LA blowup followed an evening of escalating tension between the two, which came to a head as they drove in a Lamborghini from a party at music mogul Clive Davis' house early Sunday and she tossed the car keys out the window, E! News reported.
"He pimp-slapped her and punched her in the face!"

Brown then allegedly choked Rihanna and said, "I'm going to kill you," E! News reported. When she slipped into unconsciousness, Brown allegedly fled.

Rihanna was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. Brown later turned himself in and was charged with making a criminal threat. He was released on $50,000 bail. Both canceled their appearances at the awards show and later events.

WAKS-FM, a Cleveland-area radio station, has stopped playing Brown's music until the allegations are resolved; so, too, have stations in Pittsburgh and Indianapolis.
Police handed the case over to the LA County prosecutor's office, which sent it back yesterday for further investigation.

Jay-Z has long been protective of Rihanna, the 20-year-old Barbadian beauty he helped make a star.

In 2007, Rihanna - whose song "Umbrella" was burning up the charts - acknowledged that Jay-Z had to give the OK before any guy would approach her.

"I just found out from a mutual friend that guys will talk to Jay first before they try to approach me," Rihanna told People magazine. "He's very protective. Jay has my best interests in mind.

"If it's a good guy, I know Jay won't shut him down. But if he's not, Jay will be, like, 'No, no, no.' "

Author: Joy Bauer, "Joy's Life Diet" Four Steps to Thin Forever!

2009-02-10T08:56:00.009-06:00

Joy Bauer, MS, RD, CDN, has built one of the largest nutrition centers in the country. Located in Manhattan and Westchester, N.Y., Joy Bauer Nutrition provides counseling to both adults and children dealing with a variety of nutritional concerns.

Recognized as a leading nutrition authority, Joy has a clientele that includes high-profile professionals, celebrity actors, fashion models, and Olympic athletes.

She is the nutrition/health expert for the Today show and has been featured in numerous publications including the New York Times, LA Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Wall Street Journal, Prevention, Vogue, Allure, Self, Cosmopolitan, People, US Weekly, Parenting, Parents, Family Circle, Biography, and Seventeen. In addition, Joy is the nutritionist for the New York City Ballet, the nutrition expert and contributing editor to Parade magazine, and is a contributing editor and monthly columnist to Self magazine.

Joy is the author of several bestselling books, including the number-one New York Times bestseller Joy Bauer's Food Cures (Rodale, April 2007). Joy's latest New York Times bestseller, Joy's LIFE Diet (HarperCollins), hit bookstores in January 2009.

Joy received her bachelor's degree in kinesiological sciences from the University of Maryland and a master of science in nutrition from New York University.

At the beginning of her career, Joy completed a five-year post as director of nutrition and fitness for the Heart-Smart Kids Program — a program that she developed for the Mount Sinai Medical Center's Department of Pediatric Cardiology in New York City. Joy also served as nutrition consultant for the Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center, where she designed and supervised research in eating disorders and weight management.

Furthermore, Joy served as the clinical nutritionist with the neurosurgical team at Mount Sinai Medical Center and taught anatomy and physiology and sports nutrition at New York University's School of Continuing Education. She was also the exclusive nutritionist for New York University's faculty, students, and athletes.
Joy lives in New York with her husband, Ian, her daughters Jesse and Ayden Jane, and her son, Cole.

Joy's Professional Affiliations:
American Dietetic Association: Registered Dietitian
New York State Certified Dietitian-Nutritionist
American Dietetic Association: Sports and Cardiovascular
Nutritionist Group
American Dietetic Association: Pediatric Practice Group

www.joybauer.com

"EMOTIONAL CHEATING" Are You Being Unfaithful and Not Aware of It?

2009-02-03T09:12:00.008-06:00

Emotional Cheating

Intimacy Without Sex is Emotional Infidelity

Is having a friend of the opposite sex (or the same sex, as the case may be) a sign of emotional infidelity? Here's how psychologists see signs of emotional cheating.

Emotional cheating can be difficult to wrap your mind around. It’s not like a “real” affair (with intercourse) or a “sort-of-but-not-really” affair (everything but the intercourse). Emotional infidelity doesn't necessarily break spoken vows, create unwanted pregnancies, or spread sexually transmitted diseases. Emotional cheating can't always be spotted in the traditional ways.

Emotional infidelity can be as devastating to a marriage or partnership as sexual unfaithfulness - if not more so. Determining the difference between harmless flirting versus cheating is important to a healthy relationship.

How emotional cheating starts
Most people don’t plan to be emotionally unfaithful. Emotional cheating starts by casually chatting with coworkers or people they see regularly – and it grows into more than “friends.” They go for lunches, take business trips, or make special efforts to see the person’ to whom they’re getting attached. They think about their “friend” more and more, until it becomes a definite emotional bond.

These are signs of emotional cheating.

Internet relationships are more and more popular since everyone’s wired up. Emotional cheating now begins in chat rooms, forums, or discussion groups. They evolve into private conversations and emotional infidelity.

Emotional cheating and internet relationships

In emotional infidelity over the internet, “friends” may never meet. This means that relationships can flourish in public places like the office or in private places, like one’s own home. Bonds can grow and emotional cheating can occur even when the coworker is at the other desk or the family is in the same room.

Anonymity is a potential problem with internet relationships and emotional infidelity. There’s greater intimacy because you’re anonymous; you’re free to share the deepest darkest parts of yourself (parts you're reluctant to share with someone in person). Further, you can build your friends up into the most wonderful, kind, smart, and funny people in your mind because you haven’t met – and you certainly haven’t dealt with dirty socks, disciplining kids, or getting lost in a new city together. Your relationship hasn't been tried or tested. Emotional cheating becomes a slippery slope when you're involved with a mysterious stranger.

If you know you have a weakness with emotional infidelity, you can learn to resist temptation.

Are women more susceptible to emotional infidelity?

Women are usually the ones who push the relationship further. Women want relationships to move from friendship to love, from computer to reality. Women tend to get more emotionally involved and are more emotionally invested than men. Men on the other hand see the internet relationships or emotional infidelity as part of their lives – a nice part, but just one part. Women envision soul mates or life partners; men are having fun.

Note that the above are stereotypes with regard to emotional cheating! There are men who do become highly emotionally involved with more distant women, both over the internet and in person. Bonds and emotional infidelity aren't the sole activities of either women or men alone.

Signs of Emotional Cheating
Emotional cheating happens when you:

• Discuss your partner and relationships with your “friend.”
You share your fears, hopes, and dreams (this is emotional intimacy).
• Meet your “friend” for dinner or lunch without telling your partner.
• Keep your computer, files, and internet sites password-protected.
• Hide or are secretive about your life, relationships, and activities.
• Keep your partner waiting while you spend time with your “friend.”
• Stay in regular, intimate contact with ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends.

Emotional cheating can spring from close relationships with past lovers.

Instead of assuming or vowing emotional infidelity will never happen to you, spend time with your partner. Have open and honest discussions about your relationship. Have fun together; the more you make your partner happy, the more likely he/she will reciprocate!

Author: Kim Saunders, "The Adopted Dog Bible"

2009-01-29T08:10:00.006-06:00

Purchase Book at:

www.petfinder.com
www.amazon.com

Author: Nancy Nichols, "Secrets of the Ultimate Husband Hunter"

2009-01-28T06:33:00.008-06:00

Who is my book for?

If you are uncertain or lack an understanding of men
If guys mistreat, control or sexually take advantage of you
If you have had your heart broken by a guy who dumped you
If you have experienced multiple failed relationships and divorce
If you are widowed and struggle with today's dating scene
If you are a single woman who wants to be in a committed relationship, but can't seem to find the right man

Purchase this Book at:
www.ultimatehusbandhunter.com

Author: Ron Taffel, Ph.D "Children Unbound" Saving Our Children Best Selves...Confident Parenting in a World of Change

2009-01-26T23:16:00.019-06:00

Purchase Book at:
www.simonandschuster.com

Author: James Hollis, Ph.D, "What Matters Most"

2009-01-26T09:24:00.004-06:00

"LIVING A MORE CONSIDERED LIFE"

www.jameshollis.net

www.amazon.com

Husband Demands Kidney Back From Wife in Divorce... or 1.5 Million Dollars

2009-01-15T06:09:00.008-06:00

Richard Batista can live with his broken heart. He just can't bear his cheating wife living with his healthy kidney.

The Long Island doctor wants the one-time love of his life to pay $1.5 million for the organ he bestowed on her eight years ago in a gift meant to save her life and their foundering marriage.

"There's no deeper pain you can ever express than to be betrayed by the person you devoted your life to," Batista told reporters in Garden City Wednesday.
"I saved her life. But the pain is unbearable."

Batista charged his wife, Dawnell, repaid his gesture by first sleeping with her physical therapist - and then denying him access to their three kids in an increasingly bitter divorce.

Adding to his anguish, Batista insists his decision to donate his kidney in 2001 was in part a failed effort to rescue their troubled relationship.

"My first priority was to save her life," the 49-year-old doctor said. "The second bonus was to turn our marriage around."

Dawnell Batista survived. Their marriage lasted just another four years, with the wife filing for divorce in July 2005.

The once-happy pair met two decades ago when he was a resident and she a training nurse at North Shore Hospital.

They were married in August 1990, celebrating with a lavish Long Island reception, and were soon living in a $1 million Massapequa home.

The couple shared the joy of three daughters, but Dawnell was battling kidney failure and the couple's relationship turned shaky.

Her husband - a surgeon at Nassau University Medical Center - injected her three times a week with medication as part of her health care regime.

Dawnell's health continued to deteriorate. After two transplants failed, her husband volunteered to donate one of his kidneys - and discovered he was a match, a 1-in-700,000 shot.

"I was the first and only one to step to the plate," the doctor recalled. Without his donation, Dawnell faced a long wait: There are 6,748 people awaiting kidneys in New York State, the New York Organ Donor Network says.

Successful surgery followed at a Minnesota hospital on June 28, 2001. Batista said he was looking forward to happier times with his now-healthy bride - but his hopes proved futile.
"Nothing changed," he said.
Dawnell Batista viewed the kidney as a new lease on life, too. She returned to school to earn a master's degree in nursing, and took up karate, her husband said.

After an injury suffered while trying to earn her black belt, she began physical therapy - which evolved into an affair with her therapist, Batista said.

"It put a hole in my heart that still exists," Batista said of his wife's disloyalty. "To this day, I'm a man of pride. To be betrayed that way, humiliated - I can't even began to say."
Dawnell Batista was not at her home Wednesday. Her lawyer did not return a call for comment.

Batista said the ongoing ugliness began on day one of their divorce.
"She slapped me with divorce papers when I was in surgery trying to save another person's life," he fumed.

The case was apparently the first of its kind in New York State. Julia Rivera of the New York Organ Donor Network said she never heard of anything similar.
"This is extraordinary," the spokeswoman said.

Batista insisted his cash-for-kidney claim was a direct result of his wife's behavior. He said he hasn't seen his three daughters - ages 14, 11 and 8 - in months.

"This is my last resort," Batista said. "I didn't want to be in the public eye."

Despite the animosity, Batista insisted he would donate the kidney all over again to his hopefully soon-to-be-ex. He fondly recalls a visit to her room on the day after surgery.

"There was no greater feeling on this planet," he said. "As God is my witness, I felt as if I could put my arm around Jesus Christ. I was walking on a cloud."

Alert! Teenage Pregnancy is On the Increase...

2009-01-09T07:48:00.010-06:00

Top 10 Reasons to Talk about Teen Pregnancy and Actions We can Take!

10 Money.
Teen pregnancy costs taxpayers $7 billion annually.

9 You'll be in it alone.
Eight out of 10 teenage boys do not marry their baby's mother.

8 Four out of every 10 girls you know.
That's how many girls become pregnant each year in the United States.

7 Your life.
Teenagers need to be aware that having a baby is a lifetime commitment from which they can never walk away.

6 Pregnancy doesn't discriminate.
Any teen who practice unsafe sex could become a parent, regardless of race or socioeconomic status.

5 Empowerment.
Educating teens about teen pregnancy empowers them to make informed choices about their bodies and their future.

4 Single motherhood.
Young mothers raising babies on their own face specific financial and emotional hardships.

3 Once is not enough.
Teenagers need to be aware that they either need to abstain or use protection every single time.

2 You gotta talk about it.
Candid dialogue about sex and its repercussions makes a difference.

1 Reality.
Babies born to teen mothers can face special health and developmental challenges. Life for teen parents is never the same after their babies are born.

When Children Have Babies!

Babies born in the U.S. to teenage mothers are at risk for long-term problems in many major areas of life, including school failure, poverty, and physical or mental illness. The teenage mothers themselves are also at risk for these problems.

Teenage pregnancy is usually a crisis for the pregnant girl and her family.

Common reactions include anger, guilt, and denial. If the father is young and involved, similar reactions can occur in his family.

Adolescents who become pregnant may not seek proper medical care during their pregnancy, leading to an increased risk for medical complications. Pregnant teenagers require special understanding, medical care, and education--particularly about nutrition, infections, substance abuse, and complications of pregnancy.

They also need to learn that using tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs, can damage the developing fetus. All pregnant teenagers should have medical care beginning early in their pregnancy.

Pregnant teens can have many different emotional reactions:

•some may not want their babies

•some may want them for idealized and unrealistic ways

•others may view the creation of a child as an achievement and not recognize the serious responsibilities

•some may keep a child to please another family member

•some may want a baby to have someone to love, but not recognize the amount of care the baby needs

•depression is also common among pregnant teens many do not anticipate that their adorable baby can also be demanding and sometimes irritating

•some become overwhelmed by guilt, anxiety, and fears about the future

•depression is also common among pregnant teens

There may be times when the pregnant teenager's emotional reactions and mental state will require referral to a qualified mental health professional.

Babies born to teenagers are at risk for neglect and abuse because their young mothers are uncertain about their roles and may be frustrated by the constant demands of caretaking.

Adult parents can help prevent teenage pregnancy through open communication and by providing guidance to their children about sexuality, contraception, and the risks and responsibilities of intimate relationships and pregnancy.

Some teenage girls drop out of school to have their babies and don't return. In this way, pregnant teens lose the opportunity to learn skills necessary for employment and self survival as adults. School classes in family life and sexual education, as well as clinics providing reproductive information and birth control to young people, can also help to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

If pregnancy occurs, teenagers and their families deserve honest and sensitive counseling about options available to them, from abortion to adoption. Special support systems, including consultation with a child and adolescent psychiatrist when needed, should be available to help the teenager throughout the pregnancy, the birth, and the decision about whether to keep the infant or give it up for adoption.

The United States has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and births in the western industrialized world. Teen pregnancy costs the United States at least $7 billion annually.

Thirty-four percent of young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20 -- about 820,000 a year. Eight in ten of these teen pregnancies are unintended and 79 percent are to unmarried teens.

A new federal report released today finds Mississippi now has the nation's highest teen pregnancy rate, displacing Texas and New Mexico for that lamentable title.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says
Mississippi's rate was more than 60 percent higher than the
national average in 2006. The teen pregnancy rate in Texas and New
Mexico was more than 50 percent higher.

The three states have large proportions of black and Hispanic
teenagers - groups that traditionally have higher birth rates,
experts noted.

The lowest teen birth rates continue to be in New England, where
three states have teen birth rates at just half the national
average.

The teen birth rate had declined slowly but steadily from 1991 to 2002 with an overall decline of 30 percent for those aged 15 to 19. These recent declines reverse the 23-percent rise in the teenage birth rate from 1986 to 1991.

The largest decline since 1991 by race was for black women. The birth rate for black teens aged 15 to 19 fell 42 percent between 1991 to 2002. Hispanic teen birth rates declined 20 percent between 1991 and 2002. The rates of both Hispanics and blacks, however, remain higher than for other groups. Hispanic teens now have the highest teenage birth rates.

Most teenagers giving birth before 1980 were married whereas most teens giving birth today are unmarried.

The younger a teenaged girl is when she has sex for the first time, the more likely she is to have had unwanted or non-voluntary sex. Close to four in ten girls who had first intercourse at 13 or 14 report it was either non-voluntary or unwanted.

Teenage Pregnancy Consequences
Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and only 1.5% have a college degree by age 30. Teen mothers are more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare).

The children of teenage mothers have lower birth weights, are more likely to perform poorly in school, and are at greater risk of abuse and neglect.

The sons of teen mothers are 13 percent more likely to end up in prison while teen daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen mothers themselves.

Teen Pregnancy Prevention
The primary reason that teenage girls who have never had intercourse give for abstaining from sex is that having sex would be against their religious or moral values.

Other reasons cited include desire to avoid pregnancy, fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD), and not having met the appropriate partner. Three of four girls and over half of boys report that girls who have sex do so because their boyfriends want them to.

Teenagers who have strong emotional attachments to their parents are much less likely to become sexually active at an early age and less likely to have a teen pregnancy.

Most people say teens should remain abstinent but should have access to contraception. Ninety-four percent of adults in the United States-and 91 percent of teenagers-think it important that school-aged children and teenagers be given a strong message from society that they should abstain from sex until they are out of high school.

Seventy-eight percent of adults also think that sexually active teenagers should have access to contraception to prevent teen pregnancy.

Contraceptive use among sexually active teens has increased but remains inconsistent. Three-quarters of teens use some method of contraception (usually a condom) the first time they have sex. A sexually active teen who does not use contraception has a 90 percent chance of teen pregnancy within one year.

Parents rate high among many adolescents as trustworthy and preferred information sources on birth control. One in two teens say they "trust" their parents most for reliable and complete information about birth control, only 12 percent say a friend.

Teens who have been raised by both parents (biological or adoptive) from birth, have lower probabilities of having sex than youths who grew up in any other family situation. At age 16, 22 percent of girls from intact families and 44 percent of other girls have had sex at least once. Similarly, teens from intact, two-parent families are less likely to give birth in their teens than girls from other family backgrounds.

Teen Pregnancy information obtained from The National Campaign To Prevent Teen Pregnancy

www.teenpregnancy.com
www.aacap.org
(American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP)

You Tube Clips of Teen Mothers:

Amanda Ireland attended the school with the teens who started the "Pregnancy Pact"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnHSnlhZ2ZA

Riyonna Cooper was pregnant at 16 with her first child. She is now 30 years old and has (9) children - 4 Girls and 5 Boys by 4 different fathers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUWbelIlohM&NR=1

"A Bitter Divorce and Loss of Job" - The Root Problem for the "Santa Claus Killer"

2008-12-28T20:45:00.006-06:00

9 People Dead: A gunman dressed as Santa Claus who opened fire on a Christmas Eve party at the home of his ex-wife's family was planning to flee to Canada, police said yesterday, as a ninth body was recovered from the charred wreckage of the massacre.

Police said Bruce Pardo, 45, was found with $17,000 taped to his body and a plane ticket to Canada after he killed himself following his murderous assault on the home of his former in-laws in the Los Angeles suburb of Covina.

The unemployed aerospace engineer burst into the property armed with four pistols shortly before midnight Wednesday and sprayed guests with bullets before the house erupted in flames.

An 8-year-old girl who had opened the door to Pardo was shot in the face, but survived. Yesterday, police released harrowing 911 calls apparently made by the girl's mother immediately after the incident.
"We need someone immediately. My daughter's been shot. She was shot in the face," the woman said, with the anguished high-pitched wailing of a child clearly audible in the background.

Pardo had recently gone through a bitter divorce with his wife, but there were no further clues as to what might have triggered the murderous rampage.

The 6-foot-3-inch, 250 pound Pardo had no criminal record and nothing in his personal history to suggest a predisposition to violence, police said. Friends from a church Pardo attended regularly expressed disbelief.

"He was just the nicest guy," said Jan Detanna, who worked with Pardo as an usher at the Holy Redeemer Catholic Church.

Covina police chief Kim Raney told reporters Pardo had bought a ticket to Canada leaving early Christmas morning, but scrapped plans to go on the run after suffering third-degree burns in the house blaze that melted parts of his Santa Claus costume to his body, Raney said.

"All indications are he intended to commit the crime, flee the country and, it appears, he didn't anticipate injuring himself to the point where, obviously, he took his own life," Raney said.

Police said Pardo had arrived at the house with what appeared to be a homemade flamethrower comprised of two canisters, one containing oxygen or carbon dioxide, the other a high-octane racing fuel.
However police believe the device exploded sooner than Pardo intended, leaving him with serious burn injuries.

Hours after the rampage, Pardo killed himself with a single shot to the head at his brother's home in Sylmar, approximately 40 kilometres away.

Police revealed that the car used by Pardo in the attack, found outside his brother's home, had been rigged with a booby trap to be be triggered when officers attempted to move his discarded Santa Claus suit.

The car burst into flames as bomb disposal experts attempted to deactivate the advice. No officers were hurt in the explosion.
Authorities have yet to publicly identify those killed by Pardo, but local media reported the victim's ex-wife and in-laws were among the dead.

Los Angeles County Coroner's Office assistant chief Ed Winter said none of the nine bodies recovered from the crime scene were identifiable.

Author Lori Johnson's Debut Novel!: "After the Dance"

2008-12-24T06:51:00.015-06:00

"AFTER THE DANCE"
by Lori Johnson

Faye Abrahams is a thirtysomething woman faced with an important decision. Should she A) abandon her "hit it and quit it" credo and take up with Carl, the divorced father of three who appears intent on slow dancing his way into her heart? Or, should she go with option B) and give her childhood sweetheart, Venard, aka Scoobie, a chance to prove he's truly the changed man his newfound spirituality and success as a corporate chef suggests? Further complicating Faye's choice is the sudden unraveling of a secret from her past that she has long kept from everyone . . .

www.lorijohnsonbooks.com
www.amazon.com

The First Family of Illinois: The Blagojevichs!

2008-12-10T10:16:00.005-06:00

The Democrat appeared in court Tuesday afternoon to hear federal corruption charges against him and was released on $4,500 bail.

"He's sad, surprised and innocent," Blagojevich attorney Sheldon Sorosky told reporters Tuesday night.

Early Tuesday, FBI agents arrested Blagojevich and his chief of staff, John Harris, on charges that the governor attempted to sell or trade President-elect Barack Obama's former Senate seat in exchange for financial benefits for the governor and his wife, Patti.

Meanwhile, state lawmakers said they are preparing to take from the governor his power to fill the vacant Senate seat. Otherwise, Blagojevich -- despite the charges he faces -- could still move to nominate anyone he chooses for Obama's replacement.
Jay Stewart, executive director of Chicago's Better Government Association, said Blagojevich retains the right to fill the Senate vacancy until he's out of office, which won't happen unless he quits or is removed by impeachment.
The government had bugged the governor's campaign office, placed a tap on his home phone and listened to the governor talk about wanting possible deals, said U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald.

According to the affidavit, Blagojevich was recorded saying of the Senate seat: "I've got this thing and it's [expletive] golden and uh, uh, I'm not just giving it up for [expletive] nothing."

"Gov. Blagojevich has taken us to a new low," Fitzgerald said Tuesday. "This conduct would make Lincoln roll over in his grave."

Both Blagojevich and Harris were charged with a count of conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and a count of solicitation of bribery, authorities said.
The 76-page affidavit, which describe Blagojevich's actions as a "crime spree," alleges that the governor often weighed the option of appointing himself to the Senate seat.

He said he was "stuck" at governor and might have access to more resources as a senator than as a governor, the affidavit said. A Senate seat also could help him remake his image ahead of a possible presidential run in 2016. "If ... they're not going to offer anything of any value, then I might just take it," he said in one conversation.

Obama reacted at a news conference Tuesday.
"Obviously, like the rest of the people of Illinois, I am saddened and sobered by the news that came out of the U.S. attorney's office today," he said. "But as this is an ongoing investigation involving the governor, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to comment on the issue at this time."

Obama said he had no contact with the governor or his office about the Senate seat. "I was not aware of what was happening," he added.
At times, Blagojevich discussed obtaining a substantial salary for himself at a nonprofit group or an organization affiliated with labor unions as well as placing his wife on paid corporate boards, where she might make as much as $150,000 a year, the government said.

During one recorded conversation, Blagojevich said he needed to consider his family and said he was financially hurting, the affidavit said.

"I want to make money," Blagojevich said, according to the affidavit.

The intercepted phone calls also caught the governor and Harris discussing the possibility of the Tribune Co.'s obtaining assistance from the Illinois Finance Authority in efforts to sell the Chicago Cubs and the financing or sale of Wrigley Field, the government said. The company owns the Chicago Tribune, the Cubs and Wrigley Field.

Tribune announced Monday that it is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection.
Blagojevich allegedly directed Harris to tell Tribune officials that state assistance would be withheld unless members of the Chicago Tribune's editorial board were fired. The Illinois governor saw them as "driving discussion of his possible impeachment," the affidavit said.

"Our recommendation is fire all those [expletive] people, get 'em the [expletive] out of there and get us some editorial support," the governor allegedly said in one phone call.

Federal authorities also allege the governor and Harris schemed with others -- including convicted real estate developer Antoin "Tony" Rezko -- to obtain financial benefits for himself, his family and others, including his campaign committee, Friends of Blagojevich.

Reports from the Chicago Tribune last week said federal authorities were investigating the governor and were secretly taping his conversations -- with the help of his former congressional chief of staff, John Wyem.

"I don't believe there's any cloud that hangs over me," Blagojevich told WLS-TV in Chicago on Monday as he responded to the reports of wiretapping. "I think there's nothing but sunshine hanging over me."

He added, "By the way, I should say if anyone wants to tape my conversations, go right ahead, feel free to do it. I appreciate anybody who wants to tape me openly."
Fitzgerald said the case required "unusual measures" because of actions Blagojevich was expected to take soon, including filling the vacant Senate seat. "There were a lot of things going on that were imminent," he said.
"We were in the middle of a corruption crime spree, and we wanted to stop it," Fitzgerald said.

At a news conference Tuesday, U.S. Sen. Dick Durbin, an Illinois Democrat, said he wants the state Legislature to act quickly to pass a law setting up a special election to fill Obama's seat to prevent Blagojevich from making an appointment.
"No appointment by this governor under these circumstances could produce a credible replacement," Durbin said.

Fitzgerald said Blagojevich was looking to pull $8 million in funding for a children's hospital after the hospital's chief executive officer did not give a $50,000 contribution to the governor's campaign.

Also, Fitzgerald said, it was expected that Blagojevich would soon sign into law a bill that would direct a percentage of casino revenue to the horse racing industry -- a bill supported by someone who contributed $100,000.

"To let that bill be signed, to me, would be very, very troubling," Fitzgerald said.
The governor's office said the allegations "do nothing to impact the services, duties or function of the state."

"Our state will continue to ensure health, safety and economic stability for the citizens of Illinois."

Lt. Gov. Pat Quinn said the governor should use a provision in the Illinois Constitution that allows him to step down but not necessarily to resign. "I recommend to the governor to realize ... that he cannot carry out his responsibilities of office today, and he should, in my opinion, step aside."
Quinn, a Democrat, said under the provision, a determination can be made later as to whether he can return to office.

Quinn said he had not spoken to Blagojevich at length since summer 2007.
Blagojevich, who turns 52 on Wednesday, is in his second four-year term as Illinois governor. His term ends in January 2011.

He served as a U.S. congressman for Illinois' 5th Congressional District from 1997 until 2003, according to his online biography.
He and his wife have two daughters.

The state's last governor, George Ryan, was convicted in April 2006 on racketeering and fraud charges.

Ryan reported to a federal prison in Wisconsin in November 2007 to serve a 6½-year sentence. Earlier this year, the U.S. Supreme Court said it would not hear an appeal from Ryan.

CHILDREN OF INCARCERATED PARENTS...

2008-12-02T19:11:00.021-06:00

Shekinah Prison Ministries

Doris Riley, Co-Founder
Board Chair

My Story

At the age of 18 months, my father was unjustly removed from my life; as a result my childhood was spent in poverty, living in the backwoods of Arkansas. My mother was left with two very small children; myself only 18 months, my brother three years old and she was 4 months pregnant with another child.

Although we were able to visit my father in prison, the visits were infrequent because my mother could not drive nor had the financial means to pay others to take us. I remember vividly as a little girl becoming familiar with the routine of visitation within a jail. Often my brothers and I were faced with mockery from the other children at school and the shame of our father's confinement in prison.

There were many, many challenges that we faced as a family just because we were left behind. It seemed no one cared or understood the affects of losing our father. How he was suddenly snatched from the lives of his wife and three small children and how a mother in her twenties without a high school education had to be the sole provider for her family. I thank God today that He was faithful to take care of us and we survived.

In 2004 one of my brothers (the one my mom was pregnant with) was incarcerated and left behind a 2 year old daughter, and two sons 9 and 17 years old. When this occurred my husband and I began to assist my brother's family financially, emotionally, and with much prayer. We also provided the children with gifts during the Christmas season.

This incident triggered the memory of my childhood and my heart began to feel the pain and feelings of abandonment of children all over this country. After much research, I was shocked and appalled at the high percentage of children who are left behind. My husband Joseph and I felt impressed of God to help the many children all over this country who have a mom or dad incarcerated.

Shekinah Prison Ministries' Staff

Joseph & Doris Riley, Founders

Joseph Riley, President

Konstance Riley, Account Executive

Sonia Morris, Regional Service Coordinator

Mission

Shekinah Prison Ministries is a non-profit organization that assists children/families of those incarcerated nationally. We serve as an emergency support to the children and families through out the year and provide gifts during the holiday season. Our goal is to be a support to families who suddenly find themselves as sole caregivers of children related to an incarcerated spouse or parent.

What We Do

We are dedicated to establishing a relationship with families of those incarcerated to provide support and to connect them with needed resources of survival as a family. Shekinah Prison Ministries specialize in minimizing the impact of incarceration to the families that are left behind. Services offered:

• Assistance with clothing and school supplies
• Emergency Financial Assistance
• Gifts during the Holiday Season
• Training: Anger Management, Financial Management & Drama Classes
• Resource Referral

BECOME A VOLUNTEER!
MAKE A DONATION...

P. O. Box 278
Olive Branch, MS 38654
United States
ph: 901-848-2914
fax: 662-504-4234
www.shekinahprisonministries.org
shekinahprisonministries@yahoo.com

THE ENTREPRENEUR'S BUSINESS TOOL: COMPLETED BUSINESS PLAN

2008-11-21T09:29:00.027-06:00

THE PAINTBALL SPORT COMPANY
BUSINESS PLAN
18940 Barrister Ave. Akron, OH 44309

• EXECUTIVE SUMMARY
• COMPANY OVERVIEW
• SERVICES PROVIDED
• MARKETING AND SALES
• DEVELOPMENT
• OPERATIONS
• MANAGEMENT
• SUMMARY OF FINANCIALS
• OFFERING
• APPENDICES

BUSINESS PLAN
This plan’s lengthy exploration of the business
development leaves little question about the direction
of the endeavor. All aspects of the necessary
tasks to get the business started are covered and
the entrepreneur’s absence of salary emphasizes
his commitment to profitability. The hardboiled
approach of the plan echoes the businesslike manner
with which the company will likely be run.

Mission Statement
The mission of Paintball Sport Palace is to provide playing locations and equipment rental service to paintball players in the area who are currently involved in the sport or who wish to become involved in action pursuit games. The purpose of this presentation is to seek start-up financing for capital investment in both equipment and location procurement.

History and Current Status—Paintball Sport Palace is a new company in the start-up phase of development. Incorporated in Ohio, it seeks to be located in Summit County so as to be close to a major population center. Because the company is still in the preliminary phases, the availability of capital investment is a primary consideration.

Markets and Products—The products used and the overall market strategy will closely follow that of other successful paintball field operations throughout the United States. Products used will be industry standard, allowing for endorsement revenue for product placement and an incentive for paintball equipment companies to sponsor contests and events which will help draw in players from throughout the region. All products will be viewed from a cost-benefit perspective, and will take into account factors such as safety, reliability, and price. The market targeted for development will be primarily young adults 16-25 years of age, and the secondary market will be older adults 26-46 years of age.

Objectives—The objective of Paintball Sport Palace is to develop an indoor and outdoor play field while generating revenue through field rental and admission. Additionally, revenue will be developed from rental of paintball equipment, expendable supplies, and food concessions.

These four revenue streams should make the initial investment profitable within its first year of operation and allow for a steadily increasing pool of income on a yearly basis, as the sport of paintball grows nationwide.

Description—Paintball is both a sport and a game. It is already a hundred million dollar business nationwide, with revenue, which continues to grow on an annual basis. Similar to bowling in some organizational aspects, a paintball service company provides rental space for players and equipment in a structured environment. League play is not only possible, but strongly encouraged and a necessary component of building a profitable local business. Scores are kept and posted, and tournaments can be held in order to stimulate player activity and generate free publicity.

The largest fields in the country have hundreds, and even thousands, of players who participate in tournament style events and compete for prizes sponsored by savvy equipment manufacturers. Other opportunities for revenue generation include selling constantly in-demand supplies: paintballs, CO2 propellant refills, and assorted other forms of necessary and expendable equipment. Concessions are another source of steady and significant revenue which, if properly managed, can lead to a sizeable profit margin.

Location Considerations—For a paintball service company to be successful, it is absolutely imperative to offer both indoor and outdoor playing fields. This is especially true in a state like Ohio, which has a variable climate. Bookings and reservations are made far in advance. Not taking this factor into consideration will be highly detrimental to the success of the business.

Many other fields have had trouble retaining clientele without some sort of indoor facility to operate. This would normally mean that a location would be very expensive property to lease; however, this principle consideration is mitigated by the fact that a paintball playing field does not have to concern itself with aesthetics. Playing locations are not decided on appearance, rather, the lack of aesthetics is just as appealing to most players, and a gruff atmosphere can enhance the “feel” of the game for many players. Therefore, a large amount of capital that
would ordinarily be spent improving the appearance of the facility can be saved and expended elsewhere.

Market Analysis Nationwide—The market for paintball nationwide is outstanding. Fields throughout the United States are reporting record growth, and the need for fields is increasing,not decreasing. As more seasoned players develop and move to various parts of the country,the overall number of participants continues to grow. Likewise, the longer the games are played and the longer people are exposed to the sport, the more that paintball becomes legitimized and the more that national advertising will be expended in the promotion of paintball.

Market Analysis Statewide—The market statewide is encouraging. Several fields have opened while two others have shut down. The primary reason for the shutdown of the two fields in the southern part of the state did not have to do with a lack of business, but instead had to do with local zoning requirements and the fact that these businesses were not being run in a professional manner. The closest known competitor in the western part of the state is located in the Cincinnati area and, while it is fairly well known, it is not heavily advertised and players from this area only travel to this particular field infrequently.

Market Analysis Locally—The market locally consists of one competitor. Located in the southwest quadrant of the city, this competitor is chiefly an indoor arena. There is no room for expansion nor for any large-scale redesign of the playing field, which is an essential element of field design. Even though it is a small facility, with erratic hours, during the hours that it is open it does terrific business in booking events and maintaining repeat clientele.

The business is owned by two current police officers that also rent out the field to the city to use as a police training ground for close quarter encounter situations. This is the largest competitor in town for paintball dollars and, even though they are currently operating successfully, they have not tapped even a portion of the market due to their minimal advertising and lack of space. Since this business is not the owner’s primary source of income, the competition from this facility is thought to be manageable, and even helpful, in developing paintball players locally.

Overall Marketing Strategy—The target market for paintball is young and even middleaged, predominantly male adults. The younger players might have had experience in laser tag, or similar virtual-reality type games, and are looking for simple strategy games with a lot of action. Older players tend to be interested in more complex and challenging games where patience is more of a premium.

These players would be the weekend outdoorsmen (or sports enthusiasts) types and they would typically involve either a group of close friends or work associates, while the younger players tend to come in smaller groups of more immediate friends. Both groups depend heavily on interaction with their peers, and utilizing this peer
pressure as a positive marketing tool is essential.

There are many females who also participate in paintball games but, usually, they are drawn as either part of a corporate work outing or from some similar situation. Paintball is a demanding sport and though some degree of basic physical fitness will add to the enjoyment of the game, it is not essential to be completely fit in order to play.

Older players, and those with physical limitations, need to be reminded of the demands of the game and encouraged to play appropriately to their level of skill. This is also true of the sedentary weekend warrior type of person who is drawn to the game. Since young and middle-aged males tend to be the target demographic audience, advertising will be geared to attract these types of players.

Sales Strategy—Marketing will be targeted to a younger audience initially. Even though corporate bookings and older players will eventually become a large part of the target audience, initially, the best chance for positive cash flow comes from an appeal to younger players who will grow into repeat customers and truly provide a financial base upon which to build. Normal

MARKETING AND SALES
media channels, which target all young adults, best reach these customers. Radio advertising seems especially effective when trying to reach this market and various radio stations with a rock or hard rock format would seem ideally suited for advertising. Also, there are plenty of local establishments that cater to young people where co-op advertising deals can be made.

The laser tag game arena, for instance, would provide an excellent place to recruit members. There are also local paintball supply shops that can provide a steady source of interested customers willing to play the game and a complete co-op arrangement can be made. Once this target market has been reached, and moderate success achieved, the next target of advertising revenue will be middle-aged players.

These players can be reached primarily through corporate advertising as a team-building exercise and through an appeal to the competitive and sportslike nature of the game. Many local paintball fields have had great success in recruiting
corporate membership by offering specialized recruiting discount packages. Once again, if the field is packaged correctly as a paintball destination and not merely as a paintball field, then the local corporate sponsors will feel comfortable bringing their employees to engage in teambuilding activities.

Current Status—A site has been pre-selected for development of the paintball field. It is located in the southeast section of the city and is the site of an abandoned multiscreen drivein theater. It is in a demographically popular part of town and very close to the shopping malls and main thoroughfares of the city. There is plenty of room for outdoor playing and there are several centralized buildings that would provide an indoor playing arena as well. The facility is not currently being used and is a liability and non-performing asset for the current owners, a regional theater chain which would like to divest itself from the property.

Development Plans—The plan to develop Paintball Sport Palace into something more than a simple playing field is essential to the overall concept. The business should strive to make it a paintball destination within the local community. There is a certain atmosphere that needs to be created in order for this to happen. The type of atmosphere necessary to be successful depends on developing a theme for the play field. The theme can be post-industrial or military or something similar.

The theme is very important to making the paintball field a destination instead of simply as a place to play. The more successful the theme, the more likely that repeat players will come back and use the field on a permanent basis. Several themes have been discussed and a military theme adopted for the field itself.

Development Timetable—An aggressive strategy of growth requires us to adopt the following timetable:

Winter 1997—Lease of primary land site in southeast section of the city.
January 1997—Bid specifications prepared for contract construction services.
February 1997—Bids awarded for March and April above ground construction.
March 1997—
Above surface rehabilitation of standing buildings for indoor portion of
play field.
April 1997—Above surface rehabilitation of outdoor playing field surfaces and
construction.
May 1997—Equipment set-up and distribution center established.
May 15, 1997—Initial advertising blitz.
June 1, 1997—Grand opening of Paintball Sport Palace.

Development Risks—Financial risks associated with the project are specified below.

Development risks are minimal and mainly concern liability and other operating risks. The risks associated with liability are as follows:

a. Players have to be given a certain amount of latitude in regards to movement and even though the field and boundaries are well marked and defined, some players may

DEVELOPMENT
wander from the play area and may try to shoot paintballs at unspecified targets. This would not be a problem in some locations; however, this location is close to a main thoroughfare. Fencing would eliminate this problem, yet that would be an expensive solution to a relatively small security problem.

b. There are problems associated with booking very large events that are mainly logistical in nature. Equipment, which must be provided, may be limited and cause difficulties with supply. Affiliating with a local paintball supply store could alleviate this problem, but it may be a less than ideal solution if not enough equipment is available.

c. The indoor portion of the arena may require more extensive renovation than
originally anticipated because a site survey of the property has indicated that interior walls of the main arena structure may have to be braced and/or removed.

A Note on Safety and Liability—There are several safety issues worth considering. Although paintball is recognized as a completely safe sport, and few permanent injuries happen, there are occasionally injuries due to physical exertion and these cannot be mitigated. Further, there is a potential injury problem stemming from the misuse of equipment which can cause more serious injury. These issues are addressed in a safety briefing given to each player at the start of the game.

Also, each player is required to sign a liability waiver upon entering the play area.
Violators are banned for the day and, if the offense is serious enough, they may be banned from future play. A general liability insurance policy is obtainable for this type of sport and readily available if policies and procedures are properly followed.

Personnel—The number of weekend personnel will remain fairly static and will only increase significantly if there is a large event taking place. Approximately 10 workers per day will be needed to run the entire field. The breakdown of personnel needed is as follows:

1 onsite manager for the entire operation
4 rotating counter people and equipment lessors
2 food concession personnel
3 referees and safety inspectors

Field Leasing Cost—The cost of leasing the field for the season will be approximately $6000.00 for the duration of the year, plus utilities and a nominal year-end cleanup fee for any areas that need to be restored to their original state.

Equipment—The following is a list of some of the equipment (pricing obtained at discount rates) and projected quantities that will be needed to start-up operations:

50 Stingray Paintball Guns—semi-auto, durable, carbon fiber @ $94.95 ea. = $4,747.50
20 Tracer Paintball Pump Guns—pump action, easy to operate @ 94.95 ea. = 1,899.00
20,000 Paintballs—water soluble, 2500 per case, various colors @ 89.95 ea. = 719.60
2 N2 Compressed Air System plus C1 CO2 Nitro refillable tanks @ 329.95 ea. = 659.90
100 CO2 Portable Canisters—refillable and for use with weapons @ 39.95 ea. = 3,995.00
100 VL 2000 Paintball Loaders—reusable and holding 200 balls @ 9.95 ea. = 995.00
10 VL 2000 Electronic Loaders—primarily for resale on site @ 54.95 ea. = 549.50
70 Goggle and Visor Combinations—with fully protective visor @ 54.95 ea. = 3,846.50
100 Barrel squeegees—for use with gun, reusable and durable @ 9.95 ea. = 995.00
100 Barrel Plugs—reusable and brightly colored for locating @ 4.95 ea. = 495.00
10 Vent Grips—forward barrel hold, primarily for resale on site @ 24.95 ea. = 249.50

OPERATIONS

Scope of Operations

10 Head Wraps—for further head protection, optional equipment @ 9.95 ea. = 99.50
Misc. Equipment—lens bags, ordinance, smoke, trip flares, etc. @ various = 1,000.00

TOTAL EQUIPMENT COST = $20,251.00Ongoing Operations—The cost of ongoing operations is estimated to be as follows:
In the off-season, amortized costs are expected to hover in the $1000.00 range per month, as the business is somewhat seasonal in nature. As soon as warm weather breaks (and even this is not completely necessary), income will be expected to rise in tandem with an increase in the use of the outdoor playing field.

Company Organization—The company will have one primary owner holding an initial 51%
of the outstanding shares of the facility. All stock will be preferred and par value of the stock is expected to be $1.00 per share. All other investors in the project will be silent partners concerning day-to-day operations of the facility; however, this shall not preclude investors from offering input as to the financial decisions affecting the company, according to their respective share holdings.

Management Team—Onsite management will consist of one weekend management coordinator
and nine support personnel. Initial management will be performed by the owner and
turned over to an assistant manager once the facility reaches suitable profitability. All personnel can be adjusted according to bookings obtained and these figures project personnel costs at Paintball Sport Palace’s anticipated peak operating capacity.

About Gerald Summers—Gerald Summers has had previous experience in a number of small
business settings including ownership of a local automated carwash and a local area
laundromat located on Main Street. Gerald Summers graduated with honors from the
University of Indiana with a degree in business.

He has helped develop several large multiinvestor projects and is currently a participant in a restaurant site location team. Previously,Gerald has worked in the insurance industry as a commercial lines underwriter. He lives in the Cleveland area with his wife and two children.

Management Compensation—Initially, management will not be compensated until the business can obtain a suitable level of profitability. Once that occurs and all reinvestment has been made, the current shareholders will be offered a chance to redeem their holdings at a level exceeding the par value of the stock.

If that option is not exercised and no stock can be bought back from any of the current shareholders, then compensation will be divided pro-rata according to shareholder equity in the business. The owner is not expected to draw a salary for the duration of the operation of the business, instead choosing to take the pro-rata portion of anticipated profits. Not only does this help to insure that the business will reach and maintain profitability, but it will also insure that unnecessary cash flow is not diverted from the business at a critical time during the operation of the facility.

Financial Assumptions—All accounting will be done through an accredited accounting firm using standard accounting practices. All financial reporting and audits that become necessary during the operation of the business will use the actual method of accounting and be backedup with suitable documentation. All specific financial assumptions have been spelled out in the sections listed above.

Financial Forecasts—This business is projected to become profitable during its first year of business and continue moderate growth following its first full year of operation.

MANAGEMENT SUMMARY OF FINANCIALS

As income streams are enhanced, the net profitability is forecasted to rise at a rate approximately 1.5% times greater than at current projections.

Capital Requirements—It has been determined that the initial capital offering will be for 30,000 shares. This offering is believed to represent the minimum capital outlay necessary to get the business up and running and generating revenue. No other capital outlay is necessary at this time; however, a capital reserve pool of $20,000 is available through owner contribution, if it becomes imperative, to add additional capital prior to start-up.

Financial Risks—There are risks associated with any business endeavor. We have tried to minimize risks associated with the development of this project. Even so, there are some considerations worth noting:

Capital development is still in the preliminary phase; however, $10,000 has been pledged for capital investment by a past investor in previous projects.
The owner’s track record with this kind of business has not been established because this is a relatively new type of business to impact the market; yet, the owner of

Paintball Sport Palace has a record for developing businesses similar in size and scope to the one being proposed.

The investment made by shareholders will initially have minimal equity necessary to
secure the business except for a large inventory of equipment that will depreciate in value quickly because of the heavy anticipated use of the equipment.

Investment Requirements—The initial private offering will be based on the expected par value of $1.00 per share. One hundred thousand shares will be available immediately with 51% held in reserve for management ownership. Thirty thousand shares will be offered in exchange for investment capital at its par value rate. Ten thousand shares have already been pledged and tentatively purchased by an investor at the shares expected par value.

The shares purchased will convey genuine ownership and voting rights within the organizational structure and will entitle the shareholder to a dividend of profits based on ownership of the business. The shares
may be redeemed at par value at any time for any shareholder willing to divest themselves of ownership; however, share redemption will be at the initiative of the shareholder and will not be forced upon them.

A. All shareholders retain rights to the company, which are fully transferrable and assignable according to their individual disposition of shares.

B. Shares will be distributed on a first-come, first-serve basis and, even though total share distribution is expected to be set at 30,000 shares, nothing in this offering will prohibit the sale of up to 49,000 shares or more of the stock if it becomes necessary for capital outlay purposes.

C. Ownership of shares conveys specific legal rights and remedies. Proper legal representation should be obtained if necessary.

D. This is a private offering and the number of investors shall be limited to 35 shareholders or less to avoid any conflicts with the securities laws of the United States. The predominant state law authority for all disputes arising among shareholders will be Ohio State law.

Valuation of Business—The business will be valued according to the aggregate amount of all building acquisitions, cash on hand, accounts receivable, furniture / fixtures purchases, and all capital outlays divided by the par value of the stock. The total valuation of the company shall be obtained with the oversight of an accredited accounting firm and at the request of any shareholder of the business at any time.

Income Projection Sheet

OFFERING REVENUE Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug

Total sales 2,000 2,000 2,000 4,400 6,800 9,900 9,900 9,900
Cost of sales 300 300 300 300 300 300 300 300
Gross profit 1,700 1,700 1,700 4,100 6,500 9,600 9,600 9,600

EXPENSES

Salaries 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Payroll 1,000 1,000 1,000 1,000 1,500 3,000 3,000 3,000
Accounting 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100
Legal 80 80 80 80 80 80 80 80
Insurance 200 200 200 200 200 200 200 200
Advertising (300) (300) (300) (300) (300) (300) (300) (300)
Automobile 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Office misc. 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50
General miscellaneous 200 200 200 200 200 200 200 200

FIXED EXP
Rent 500 500 500 500 500 500 500 500
Utilities 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100
Permits 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50
Loan repay 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100
Phone 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50
Fax/comp. 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30
Postage 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20
General miscellaneous 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50

All Expenses 2,530 2,530 2,530 2,530 3,030 4,530 4,530 4,530

Net Profit before taxes-830 -830 -830 1,570 3,470 5,070 5,070 5,070

TOTAL 1ST YEAR REVENUE = $58,700

TOTAL 1ST YEAR EXPENSES = $38,360

TOTAL OF ALL 1ST YEAR REVENUE MINUS EXPENSES = $20,340

Sep Oct Nov Dec
7,000 4,400 2,000 2,000
300 300 300 300
6,700 4,100 1,700 1,700
0 0 0 0
2,000 1,500 1,000 1,000
100 100 100 100
80 80 80 80
200 200 200 200
(300) (300) (300) (300)
0 0 0 0
50 50 50 50
200 200 200 200
500 500 500 500
100 100 100 100
50 50 50 50
100 100 100 100
50 50 50 50
30 30 30 30
20 20 20 20
50 50 50 50
3,530 3,030 2,530 2,530
3,170 1,070 -830 -830

REVENUE Jan Feb Mar Apr May Jun Jul Aug
Total sales 2,000 2,000 2,000 4,400 6,800 9,900 9,900 9,900
Cost of sales 300 300 300 300 300 300 300 300
Gross profit 1,700 1,700 1,700 4,100 6,500 9,600 9,600 9,600

EXPENSES
Salaries 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Payroll 1,000 1,000 1,000 1,000 1,500 3,000 3,000 3,000
Accounting 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100
Legal 80 80 80 80 80 80 80 80
Insurance 200 200 200 200 200 200 200 200
Advertising (300) (300) (300) (300) (300) (300) (300) (300)
Automobile 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
Office misc. 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50
General miscellaneous 200 200 200 200 200 200 200 200

FIXED EXP
Rent 500 500 500 500 500 500 500 500
Utilities 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100
Permits 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50
Loan repay 100 100 100 100 100 100 100 100
Phone 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50
Fax/comp. 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 30
Postage 20 20 20 20 20 20 20 20
General miscellaneous 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50
All Expenses 2,530 2,530 2,530 2,530 3,030 4,530 4,530 4,530
Net Profit before -830 -830 -830 1,570 3,470 5,070 5,070 5,070
taxes
TOTAL 1ST YEAR REVENUE = $58,700
TOTAL 1ST YEAR EXPENSES = $38,360
TOTAL OF ALL 1ST YEAR REVENUE MINUS EXPENSES = $20,340

Six-Month Cash Flow Projection

May Jun Jul Aug Sep Oct
Seasonly Adjusted

Cash on hand $30,000 $0 $0 $0 $0 $0
Cash receipts 6,800 9,900 9,900 9,900 7,000 4,400
Total cash available 36,800 9,900 9,900 9,900 7,000 4,400
Cash paid out/fixed expenses 3,890 3,930 3,930 3,930 2,930 2,430
Cash paid out/capital purchases 22,000 500 500 500 500 500
Total cash paid out for all expenses 25,890 4,430 4,430 4,430 3,430 2,930
Cash position/end of season $10,910 $5,470 $5,470 $5,470 $3,570 $1,470

TOTAL CASH AVAILABLE = $77,900
TOTAL CASH PAID OUT = $45,540
CASH POSITION = $32,360

Assets Liabilities

Current Assets Current Liabilities
Cash $1,000 Accounts payable $0
Petty cash $100 Notes payable $0
Accounts receivable $0 Interest payable $0
Inventory $0 Taxes payable $0
Short-term investments $3,500 Sales tax $0
Long-term investments $16,500 Payroll accrual $0
Fixed assets Long-term notes $0
Land $0 Total liabilities $0
Buildings $0 NET WORTH (owner equity)
Improvements $0 Proprietorship equity $21,100
Equipment $0 Partnership equity $0
Fixtures $0 Capital stock $0
Automobile $0 Surplus paid (earnings) $0
Other assets $0 Total net worth $0

Total assets $21,100
Total liabilities & Total net worth $21,100
Balance Sheet (for Start-Up)

www.sba.gov
www.patriciahwesson.com

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE... ARE YOU A VICTIM?

2008-11-11T09:07:00.002-06:00

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

CDC Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey
1 IN 4 WOMEN, 1 IN 9 MEN IN UNITED STATES ARE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES

In households with incomes under $15,000 per year, 35.5% of women and 20.7% of men suffered violence from an intimate partner.

43% of women and 26% of men in multiracial non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

39% of women and 18.6% of men in American Indian/Alaska Native households suffered partner violence.

26.8% of women and 15.5% of men in white non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

29.2% of women and 23.3% of men in black non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

20.5% of women and 15.5% of men in Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

CDC Adverse Health Conditions and Health Risk Behaviors Associated with Intimate Partner Violence

Each year, IPV results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women and nearly 600,000 injuries among men.

23.6% of women and 11.5% of men aged 18 years or more have a lifetime history of intimate partner violence victimization.

Highest percentage for women is adults aged 45-54 (31.2%)

Highest percentage for men is adults aged 25-34 (21.4%)

General Statistics
On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day.

92% of women say that reducing domestic violence and sexual assault should be at the top of any formal efforts taken on behalf of women today.

1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.

1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, slapped, choked or physically hurt by his/her partner.

As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy.

Violence against women costs companies $72.8 million annually due to lost productivity.
Ninety-four percent of the offenders in murder-suicides were male.

Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner(spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.

Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a "family annihilator" -- a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide. Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well, before killing themselves.

Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.

The National Domestic Violence: Abusive Relationship Test

Embarrasses you with put-downs?
Looks at you or act in ways that scare you?
Controls what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stops you from seeing your friends or family members?
Takes your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Makes all of the decisions?
Tells you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevents you from working or attending school?
Acts like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroys your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shoves you, slaps you, chokes you, or hits you?
Forces you to try and drop charges?
Threatens to commit suicide?
Threatens to kill you?
If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799 SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Memphis Area Domestic Violence-Related Charities

Sophia’s HouseAssociated Catholic Charitieshttp://www.accinwesttn.org/
(901) 728-4229, Angela at Sophia’s House (901) 722-4700, Associated Catholic Charities
A local charity whose goals include:
Providing emergency, long-term housing for victims and their children
Rehabilitating victims to prevent future abusive relationships
Counseling victims who also have drug or alcohol-related issues

YWCA of Memphis http://www.ymcamemphis.org/
(901) 323-2211 (901) 725-4277 Crisis Hotline
A local arm of the national YWCA whose goals include:
Empowering women and eliminating racism through Christian values
Providing services to thousands of local domestic violence victims (women, children) including counseling, food, court advocacy, and shelter

Vday http://www.vday.org/
(212) 645-8329 (510) 841-4025
A national and global grass-roots effort whose goals include:
Educating the public to stop violence against women and girls
Raising awareness of and money for domestic violence programs
already in place with new and/or refurbished events
Teaching through testimonials and other media by Eve Ensler
from her global interviews with victims from different cultures

The Exchange Club Family Center http://www.exchangeclub.net/
(901) 726-2200 24-hour hotline
A local organization whose goals include:
Educating the public to end family violence
Monitoring protective family visitations for families in recovery or crisis

CAAP, Cocaine and Alcohol Awareness Program
http://www.caapincorporated.com/
(901) 794-0915 (901) 272-2221 Domestic Violence Hotline
A local organization whose goals include:
Providing a variety of behavioral health services to a diverse client base
Providing a 24-hour crisis center and counseling services
Advocating victims’ rights

AMERICA'S HISTORIC MOMENT... HAIL TO THE CHIEF! BARACK OBAMA - 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

2008-11-04T22:38:00.010-06:00

WASHINGTON – Barack Obama was elected the nation's first black president Tuesday night in a historic triumph that overcame racial barriers as old as America itself.

The son of a black father from Kenya and a white mother from Kansas, the Democratic senator from Illinois sealed his victory by defeating Republican Sen. John McCain in a string of wins in hard-fought battleground states — Ohio, Florida, Virginia and Iowa.

A huge crowd in Grant Park in Chicago erupted in jubilation at the news of Obama's victory. Some wept.

McCain called his former rival to concede defeat — and the end of his own 10-year quest for the White House. "The American people have spoken, and spoken clearly," McCain told disappointed supporters in Arizona.

Obama and his running mate, Sen. Joseph Biden of Delaware, will take their oaths of office as president and vice president on Jan. 20, 2009.

As the 44th president, Obama will move into the Oval Office as leader of a country that is almost certainly in recession, and fighting two long wars, one in Iraq, the other in Afghanistan.

The popular vote was close, but not the count in the Electoral College, where it mattered most.

There, Obama's audacious decision to contest McCain in states that hadn't gone Democratic in years paid rich dividends.

Obama has said his first order of presidential business will be to tackle the economy. He has also pledged to withdraw most U.S. combat troops from Iraq within 16 months.

Fellow Democrats rode his coattails to larger majorities in both houses of Congress. They defeated incumbent Republicans and won open seats by turn.

The 47-year-old Illinois senator was little known just four years ago. A widely praised speech at the Democratic National Convention, delivered when he was merely a candidate for the Senate, changed that.

Overnight he became a sought-after surrogate campaigner, and he had scarcely settled into his Senate seat when he began preparing for his run for the White House.

A survey of voters leaving polling places on Tuesday showed the economy was by far the top Election Day issue. Six in 10 voters said so, and none of the other top issues — energy, Iraq, terrorism and health care — was picked by more than one in 10.

"May God bless whoever wins tonight," President Bush told dinner guests at the White House, where his tenure runs out on Jan. 20.

The Democratic leaders of Congress celebrated in Washington.

"It is not a mandate for a party or ideology but a mandate for change," said Senate Majority leader Harry Reid of Nevada.

Said Speaker Nancy Pelosi of California: "Tonight the American people have called for a new direction. They have called for change in America."

Shortly after 11 p.m. in the East, The Associated Press count showed Obama with 338 electoral vote, well over the 270 needed for victory. McCain had 127 after winning states that comprised the normal Republican base.

The nationwide popular vote was remarkably close. Totals from 58 percent of the nation's precincts showed Obama with 51 percent and McCain with 47.9.

Interviews with voters suggested that almost six in 10 women were backing Obama nationwide, while men leaned his way by a narrow margin. Just over half of whites supported McCain, giving him a slim advantage in a group that Bush carried overwhelmingly in 2004.

OBAMA'S GRANDMOTHER DIES!

2008-11-03T18:53:00.008-06:00

HONOLULU – Barack Obama's grandmother, whose personality and bearing shaped much of the life of the Democratic presidential contender, has died, Obama announced Monday, one day before the election. Madelyn Payne Dunham was 86.

Obama announced the news from the campaign trail in Charlotte, N.C. The joint statement with his sister Maya Soetoro-Ng said Dunham died late Sunday night after a battle with cancer.

"She's gone home," Obama said as tens of thousands of rowdy supporters at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte grew silent in an evening drizzle.

"And she died peacefully in her sleep with my sister at her side. And so there is great joy as well as tears. I'm not going to talk about it too long because it is hard for me to talk about."

But he said he wanted people to know a little about her — that she lived through the Great Depression and two World Wars, working the second on a bomber assembly line with a baby at home and a husband serving his country. He said she was humble and plain spoken, one of the "quiet heroes that we have all across America" working hard and hoping to see their children and grandchildren thrive.

"That's what we're fighting for," Obama said.

Obama learned of Dunham's death Monday morning while he was campaigning in Jacksonville, Fla. He went ahead with campaign appearances. The family said a private ceremony would be held later.

"So many of us were hoping and praying that his grandmother would have the opportunity to witness her grandson become our next president," said Hawaii state Rep. Marcus Oshiro, an Obama supporter. "What a bittersweet victory it will be for him. Wow."

Republican John McCain issued condolences to his opponent. "Our thoughts and prayers go out to them as they remember and celebrate the life of someone who had such a profound impact in their lives," the statement by John and Cindy McCain said.

Last month, Obama took a break from campaigning and flew to Hawaii to be with Dunham as her health declined.

Obama said the decision to go to Hawaii was easy to make, telling CBS that he "got there too late" when his mother died of ovarian cancer in 1995 at 53, and wanted to make sure "that I don't make the same mistake twice."

Outside the apartment building where Dunham died, reporters and TV cameras lined the sidewalk as two police officers were posted near the elevator. Signs hanging in the apartment lobby warned the public to keep out.

The Kansas-born Dunham and her husband, Stanley, raised their grandson for several years so he could attend school in Honolulu while their daughter and her second husband lived overseas. Her influence on Obama's manner and the way he viewed the world was substantial, the candidate himself told millions watching him accept his party's nomination in Denver in August.

"She's the one who taught me about hard work," he said. "She's the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me."

Michelle Obama's voice choked with emotion during a campaign appearance in Colorado as she asked people to remember the woman her husband called "Toot," a version of the Hawaiian word for grandmother, tutu.

"Say a prayer for Toot and thank her for raising Barack Obama. I think she did an amazing job," Obama told about 2,500 people at a suburban Denver high school gym.

Madelyn and Stanley Dunham married in 1940, a few weeks before she graduated from high school. Their daughter, Stanley Ann, was born in 1942. After several moves to and from California, Texas, Washington and Kansas, Stanley Dunham's job landed the family in Hawaii.

It was there that Stanley Ann later met and fell in love with Obama's father, a Kenyan named Barack Hussein Obama. They had met in Russian class at the University of Hawaii. Their son was born in August 1961, but the marriage didn't last long. She later married an Indonesian, Lolo Soetoro, another university student she met in Hawaii.

Obama moved to Indonesia with his mother and stepfather at age 6. But in 1971, her mother sent him back to Hawaii to live with her parents. He stayed with the Dunhams until he graduated from high school in 1979.

In his autobiography, Obama wrote fondly of playing basketball on a court below his grandparents' 10th-floor Honolulu apartment, and looking up to see his grandmother watching.

It was the same apartment Obama visited on annual holiday trips to Hawaii, a weeklong vacation from his campaign in August, and his pre-election visit in October. Family members said his grandmother could not travel because of her health.

Madelyn Dunham, who took university classes but to her chagrin never earned a degree, nonetheless rose from a secretarial job at the Bank of Hawaii to become one of the state's first female bank vice presidents.

"Every morning, she woke up at 5 a.m. and changed from the frowsy muumuus she wore around the apartment into a tailored suit and high-heeled pumps," Obama wrote.

After her health took a turn for the worse, her brother said on Oct. 21 that she had already lived long enough to see her "Barry" achieve what she'd wanted for him.

"I think she thinks she was important in raising a fine young man," Charles Payne, 83, said in a brief telephone interview from his Chicago home. "I doubt if it would occur to her that he would go this far this fast. But she's enjoyed watching it."

Stanley Dunham died in 1992, while Obama's mother died in 1995. His father is also deceased.

When Obama was young, he and his grandmother toured the United States by Greyhound bus, stopping at the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone Park, Disneyland and Chicago, where Obama would years later settle.

It was an incident during his teenage years that became one of Obama's most vivid memories of Toot. She had been aggressively panhandled by a man and she wanted her husband to take her to work. When Obama asked why, his grandfather said Madelyn Dunham was bothered because the panhandler was black.

The words hit the biracial Obama "like a fist in my stomach," he wrote later. He was sure his grandparents loved him deeply. "And yet," he added, "I knew that men who might easily have been my brothers could still inspire their rawest fears."

Obama referred to the incident again when he addressed race in a speech in March during a controversy over his former pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright. "I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother," he said.

Dunham was "a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world but who once confessed her fear of black men who passed her on the street."

Still, much of who Obama is comes from his grandmother, said his half sister.

"From our grandmother, he gets his pragmatism, his levelheadedness, his ability to stay centered in the eye of the story," she told The Associated Press. "His sensible, no-nonsense (side) is inherited from her."

Madelyn Lee Payne was born to Rolla and Leona Payne in October 1922 in Peru, Kan., but lived much of her childhood in nearby Augusta.

She was the oldest of four children, and she loved to read everything from James Hilton's "Lost Horizon" to Agatha Christie's "The Murder of Roger Ackroyd."

Dunham and her husband were "vicious" bridge players, according to her brother Jack. After retirement, the two of them would take island cruises and do little but play bridge and a more difficult version called duplicate bridge.

"The Disenfranchisement of the African-American Males, 18 to 35" by Dr. Ron Davis

2008-10-29T09:41:00.006-05:00

Dr. Ron Davis currently serves as the founding director of the JAMAR Institute, a consultant group dedicated to improving the genocidal conditions of at-risk communities. Dr. Davis’ premier research, The Disenfranchisement of African American Males, 18 to 35, is affecting change across the country.

Dr. Davis possesses an extensive work history that includes professorship at Fisk University, Strayer University and LeMoyne-Owen College. He has served as a researcher of Biomedical Engineering and Radiation Oncology. Dr. Davis has experience as an entrepreneur, consultant, and state director/NCLB specialist.

Currently, Dr. Davis is in service to Strayer University as the Dean of the Shelby Oaks Campus, in Memphis, Tennessee.

Dr. Davis’ academic endeavors have awarded the following degrees: Bachelor of Science in Physical Science, Master of Education, Master of Arts in Technical Writing, and a Doctorate in Policy Studies.

Dr. Davis enjoys writing and exercising in his spare time. He and his wife, Joyce, of ten years have six children. Dr. Davis and his family reside in Memphis, Tennessee.

Order a copy of “The Disenfranchisement of the African-American Males”

www.Xlibris.com
www.drrondavis.com
www.thejamarinstitute.com

HELP FOR DRUGS AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION!!!!!

2008-10-27T10:20:00.004-05:00

How Can I Tell If a Friend or a Loved One Has a Problem With Alcohol, Marijuana, or Other Illicit Drugs?
Sometimes it is tough to tell. Most people won't walk up to someone they're close to and ask for help. In fact, they will probably do everything possible to deny or hide the problem. But, there are certain warning signs that may indicate that a family member or friend is using drugs and drinking too much alcohol.

If your friend or loved one has one or more of the following signs, he or she may have a problem with drugs or alcohol:

Getting high on drugs or getting drunk on a regular basis
Lying about things, or the amount of drugs or alcohol they are using
Avoiding you and others in order to get high or drunk
Giving up activities they used to do such as sports, homework, or hanging out with friends who don't use drugs or drink
having to use more marijuana or other illicit drugs to get the same effects constantly talking about using drugs or drinking
believing that in order to have fun they need to drink or use marijuana or other drugs
pressuring others to use drugs or drink
getting into trouble with the law
taking risks, including sexual risks and driving under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs
feeling run-down, hopeless, depressed, or even suicidal
suspension from school for an alcohol- or drug-related incident
missing work or poor work performance because of drinking or drug use
Many of the signs, such as sudden changes in mood, difficulty in getting along with others, poor job or school performance, irritability, and depression, might be explained by other causes. Unless you observe drug use or excessive drinking, it can be hard to determine the cause of these problems. Your first step is to contact a qualified alcohol and drug professional in your area who can give you further advice.

How Can I Tell if I Have a Problem with Drugs or Alcohol? How Can I Tell if I Have a Problem with Drugs or Alcohol?

Drug and alcohol problems can affect every one of us regardless of age, sex, race, marital status, place of residence, income level, or lifestyle.
You may have a problem with drugs or alcohol, if:
You can't predict whether or not you will use drugs or get drunk.
You believe that in order to have fun you need to drink and/or use drugs.
You turn to alcohol and/or drugs after a confrontation or argument, or to relieve uncomfortable feelings.
You drink more or use more drugs to get the same effect that you got with smaller amounts.
You drink and/or use drugs alone.
You remember how last night began, but not how it ended, so you're worried you may have a problem.
You have trouble at work or in school because of your drinking or drug use.
You make promises to yourself or others that you'll stop getting drunk or using drugs.
You feel alone, scared, miserable, and depressed.
If you have experienced any of the above problems, take heart, help is available. More than a million Americans like you have taken charge of their lives and are living healthy and drug-free.

How Can I Get Help?

You can get help for yourself or for a friend or loved one from numerous national, State, and local organizations, treatment centers, referral centers, and hotlines throughout the country. There are various kinds of treatment services and centers.

For example, some may involve outpatient counseling, while others may be 3- to 5-week-long inpatient programs.

While you or your friend or loved one may be hesitant to seek help, know that treatment programs offer organized and structured services with individual, group, and family therapy for people with alcohol and drug abuse problems. Research shows that when appropriate treatment is given, and when clients follow their prescribed program, treatment can work.

By reducing alcohol and/or drug abuse, treatment reduces costs to society in terms of medical care, law enforcement, and crime. More importantly, treatment can help keep you and your loved ones together.

Remember, some people may go through treatment a number of times before they are in full recovery. Do not give up hope.

Each community has its own resources. Some common referral sources that are often listed in the phone book are:

Community Drug Hotlines
Local Emergency Health Clinics, or Community Treatment Services
City/Local Health Departments
Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or Al-Anon/Alateen
Hospitals

HERE ARE THE STRAIGHT FACTS...About Marijuana

Marijuana is the most widely used illicit drug in the United States and tends to be the first illegal drug teens use.

The physical effects of marijuana use, particularly on developing adolescents, can be acute.

Short-term effects of using marijuana:

sleepiness
difficulty keeping track of time, impaired or reduced short-term memory
reduced ability to perform tasks requiring concentration and coordination, such as driving a car
increased heart rate
potential cardiac dangers for those with preexisting heart disease
bloodshot eyes
dry mouth and throat
decreased social inhibitions
paranoia, hallucinations
Long-term effects of using marijuana:
enhanced cancer risk decrease in
testosterone levels for men; also lower sperm counts and difficulty having children
increase in testosterone levels for women; also increased risk of infertility
diminished or extinguished sexual pleasure
psychological dependence requiring more of the drug to get the same effect
Marijuana blocks the messages going to your brain and alters your perceptions and emotions, vision, hearing, and coordination.
A recent study of 1,023 trauma patients admitted to a shock trauma unit found that one-third had marijuana in their blood.

HERE ARE THE STRAIGHT FACTS...About Alcohol

Alcohol abuse is a pattern of problem drinking that results in health consequences, social, problems, or both. However, alcohol dependence, or alcoholism, refers to a disease that is characterized by abnormal alcohol-seeking behavior that leads to impaired control over drinking.

Short-term effects of alcohol use include:

distorted vision, hearing, and coordination
altered perceptions and emotions
impaired judgment
bad breath; hangovers
Long-term effects of heavy alcohol use include:
loss of appetite
vitamin deficiencies
stomach ailments
skin problems
sexual impotence
liver damage
heart and central
nervous system damage memory loss
How Do I Know If I, or Someone Close, Has a Drinking Problem?
Here are some quick clues:
Inability to control drinking--it seems that regardless of what you decide beforehand, you frequently wind up drunk
Using alcohol to escape problems
A change in personality--turning from Dr. Jekyl to Mr. Hyde
A high tolerance level--drinking just about everybody under the table
Blackouts--sometimes not remembering what happened while drinking
Problems at work or in school as a result of drinking
Concern shown by family and friends about drinking
If you have a drinking problem, or if you suspect you have a drinking problem, there are many others out there like you, and there is help available. Talk to school counselor, a friend, or a parent.

HERE ARE THE STRAIGHT FACTS...About Methamphetamine
Methamphetamine is a stimulant drug chemically related to amphetamine but with stronger effects on the central nervous system. Street names for the drug include "speed," "meth," and "crank."

Methamphetamine is used in pill form, or in powdered form by snorting or injecting. Crystallized methamphetamine known as "ice," "crystal," or "glass," is a smokable and more powerful form of the drug.

The effects of methamphetamine use include:

increased heart rate and blood pressure
increased wakefulness; insomnia
increased physical activity
decreased appetite
respiratory problems
extreme anorexia
hypothermia, convulsions, and cardiovascular problems, which can lead to death
euphoria
irritability, confusion, tremors
anxiety, paranoia, or violent behavior
can cause irreversible damage to blood vessels in the brain, producing strokes
Methamphetamine users who inject the drug and share needles are at risk for acquiring HIV/AIDS.
Methamphetamine is an increasingly popular drug at raves (all night dancing parties), and as part of a number of drugs used by college-aged students. Marijuana and alcohol are commonly listed as additional drugs of abuse among methamphetamine treatment admissions. Most of the methamphetamine-related deaths (92%) reported in 1994 involved methamphetamine in combination with at least one other drug, most often alcohol (30%), heroin (23%), or cocaine (21%). Researchers continue to study the long-term effects of methamphetamine use.

HERE ARE THE STRAIGHT FACTS...About Cocaine and Crack Cocaine

Cocaine is a white powder that comes from the leaves of the South American coca plant. Cocaine is either "snorted" through the nasal passages or injected intravenously. Cocaine belongs to a class of drugs known as stimulants, which tend to give a temporary illusion of limitless power and energy that leave the user feeling depressed, edgy, and craving more. Crack is a smokable form of cocaine that has been chemically altered. Cocaine and crack are highly addictive. This addiction can erode physical and mental health and can become so strong that these drugs dominate all aspects of an addict's life.

Physical risks associated with using any amount of cocaine and crack:

increases in blood
pressure, heart rate, breathing rate, and body temperature
heart attacks, strokes, and respiratory failure
hepatitis or AIDS through shared needles
brain seizures
reduction of the body's ability to resist and combat infection
Psychological risks:
violent, erratic, or paranoid behavior
hallucinations and "coke bugs"--a sensation of imaginary insects crawling over the skin
confusion, anxiety and depression, loss of interest in food or sex
"cocaine psychosis"--losing touch with reality, loss of interest in friends, family, sports, hobbies, and other activities
Some users spend hundred or thousands of dollars on cocaine and crack each week and will do anything to support their habit. Many turn to drug selling, prostitution, or other crimes.
Cocaine and crack use has been a contributing factor in a number of drownings, car crashes, falls, burns, and suicides.
Cocaine and crack addicts often become unable to function sexually.
Even first time users may experience seizures or heart attacks, which can be fatal.

HERE ARE THE STRAIGHT FACTS...About Hallucinogens
Hallucinogenic drugs are substances that distort the perception of objective reality. The most well-known hallucinogens include phencyclidine, otherwise known as PCP, angel dust, or loveboat; lysergic acid diethylamide, commonly known as LSD or acid; mescaline and peyote; and psilocybin, or "magic" mushrooms.

Under the influence of hallucinogens, the senses of direction, distance, and time become disoriented. These drugs can produce unpredictable, erratic, and violent behavior in users that sometimes leads to serious injuries and death. The effect of hallucinogens can last for 12 hours.

LSD produces tolerance, so that users who take the drug repeatedly must take higher and higher doses in order to achieve the same state of intoxication. This is extremely dangerous, given the unpredictability of the drug, and can result in increased risk of convulsions, coma, heart and lung failure, and even death.

Physical risks associated with using hallucinogens:

increased heart rate and blood pressure
sleeplessness and tremors
lack of muscular coordination
sparse, mangled, and incoherent speech
decreased awareness of touch and pain that can result in self-inflicted injuriesconvulsions
coma; heart and lung failure
Psychological risks associated with using hallucinogens:
a sense of distance and estrangement
depression, anxiety, and paranoia
violent behavior
confusion, suspicion, and loss of control
flashbacks
behavior similar to schizophrenic psychosis
catatonic syndrome whereby the user becomes mute, lethargic, disoriented, and makes meaningless repetitive movements
Everyone reacts differently to hallucinogens--there's no way to predict if you can avoid a "bad trip."

HERE ARE THE STRAIGHT FACTS...About Inhalants

Inhalants refer to substances that are sniffed or huffed to give the user an immediate head rush or high. They include a diverse group of chemicals that are found in consumer products such as aerosols and cleaning solvents. Inhalant use can cause a number of physical and emotional problems, and even one-time use can result in death.

Using inhalants even one time can put you at risk for:

sudden death
suffocation
visual hallucinations and severe mood swings
numbness and tingling of the hands and feet
Prolonged use can result in:
headache, muscle weakness, abdominal pain
decrease or loss of sense of smell
nausea and nosebleeds
hepatitis
violent behaviors
irregular heartbeat
liver, lung, and kidney impairment
irreversible brain damage
nervous system damage
dangerous chemical imbalances in the body
involuntary passing of urine and feces
Short-term effects of inhalants include:
heart palpitations
breathing difficulty
dizziness
headaches
Remember, using inhalants, even one time, can kill you. According to medical experts, death can occur in at least five ways:
asphyxia--solvent gases can significantly limit available oxygen in the air, causing breathing to stop;
suffocation--typically seen with inhalant users who use bags;
choking on vomit;
careless behaviors in potentially dangerous settings; and
sudden sniffing death syndrome, presumably from cardiac arrest.

Messages for Teenagers

Know the law.

Methamphetamines, marijuana, hallucinogens, crack, cocaine, and many other substances are illegal. Depending on where you are caught, you could face high fines and jail time. Alcohol is illegal to buy or possess if you are under 21.

Be aware of the risks. Drinking or using drugs increases the risk of injury. Car crashes, falls, burns, drowning, and suicide are all linked to drug use.

Keep your edge. Drug use can ruin your looks, make you depressed, and contribute to slipping grades.

Play it safe. One incident of drug use could make you do something that you will regret for a lifetime.

Do the smart thing. Using drugs puts your health, education, family ties, and social life at risk.
Get with the program. Doing drugs isn't "in" anymore.

Think twice about what you're advertising when you buy and wear T-shirts, hats, pins, or jewelry with a pot leaf, joint, blunt, beer can, or other drug paraphernalia on them. Do you want to promote something that can cause cancer? make you forget things? or make it difficult to drive a car?

Face your problems. Using drugs won't help you escape your problems, it will only create more.
Be a real friend. If you know someone with a drug problem, be part of the solution. Urge your friend to get help.

Remember, you DON'T NEED drugs or alcohol. If you think "everybody's doing it," you're wrong! Over 86% of 12-17 year-olds have never tried marijuana; over 98% have never used cocaine; only about half a percent of them have ever used crack. Doing drugs won't make you happy or popular or help you to learn the skills you need as you grow up. In fact, doing drugs can cause you to fail at all of these things.

REFERRALS
Adult Children of Alcoholics(ACA/ACoA)P.O. Box 3216Torrance, CA 90510310-534-1815
Alanon/AlateenFamily Group Headquarters, Inc.P.O. Box 862Midtown StationNew York, NY 10018-08621-800-356-9996 (Literature)1-800-344-2666 (Meeting Referral)
Alcoholics AnonymousWorld Services, Inc.475 Riverside DriveNew York, NY 10115212-870-3400 (Literature)212-647-1680 (Meeting Referral)
CDC National AIDS Hotline1-800-342-AIDS1-800-344-SIDA --Spanish1-800-AIDS-TTY TDD
Center for Substance Abuse TreatmentNational Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Service1-800-662-HELPReferrals To:
1-800-ALCOHOL
1-800-COCAINE
1-800-448-3000 BOYSTOWN
Children of Alcoholics Foundation, Inc.555 Madison Avenue, 20th FloorNew York, NY 10022212-754-0656 or 800-359-COAF
Cocaine AnonymousWorld Service Office3740 Overland Avenue, Ste. CLos Angeles, CA 900341-800-347-8998
Families AnonymousP.O. Box 35475Culver CIty, CA 902311-800-736-9805
Hazelden Educational MaterialsPleasant Valley RoadP.O. Box 176Center City, MN 55012-01761-800-328-9000
Marijuana AnonymousWorld ServicesP.O. Box 2912Van Nuys, CA 914041-800-766-6779
Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD)511 E. John Carpenter FreewaySuite 700Irving, TX 75062214-744-6233Victim Hotline: 800-438-6233 (GET MADD)
NAFARE Alcohol, Drug, and Pregnancy Hotline200 N. Michigan AvenueChicago, IL 606011-800-638-BABY
Nar-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.P.O. Box 2562Palos Verdes Peninsula, CA 90274310-547-5800
Narcotics Anonymous (NA)World Service OfficeP.O. Box 9999Van Nuys, CA 91409818-773-9999
National Association for Children of Alcoholics11426 Rockville Pike, Suite 301Rockville, MD 20852301-468-0985
National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug InformationP.O. Box 2345Rockville, MD 20847-2345301-468-26001-800-729-6686
National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence12 West 21st Street, 7th FloorNew York, NY 100101-800-NCA-CALL (will refer you to your local treatment information center)
National Families in Action2296 Henderson Mill RoadSuite 204Atlanta, GA 30345770-934-6364National Highway Traffic Safety Information400 7th Street, SWWashington, DC 20590202-366-9550Auto Safety Hotline: 1-800-424-9393
National Women's Health Network514 10th Street, NW, Ste. 400Washington, DC 20004202-682-7814
Rational Recovery SystemsP. O. Box 800Lotus, CA 956511-800-303-CURE
Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS)P.O. Box 5Buffalo, NY 14215310-821-8430
Women for SobrietyP.O. Box 618Quakertown, PA 189511-800-333-1606

Oscar Winner Jennifer Hudson's Mother, Brother Slain in Chicago...Possible Domestic Violence!

2008-10-25T01:29:00.011-05:00

CHICAGO – The mother and brother of Jennifer Hudson were found shot dead Friday at a South Side home, and police were looking for a missing child who is the nephew of the singer and Oscar-winning actress.

A man suspected in the deaths was in custody Friday night, but the 7-year-old boy had not been located, according to published reports.

William Balfour was being questioned, but Julian King's whereabouts were not known, law enforcement sources told the Chicago Tribune and Chicago Sun-Times. Balfour has not been charged.

Police spokeswoman Monique Bond said investigators were talking to "a number of people in custody" but she declined to elaborate.
An Amber Alert issued Friday said Balfour was a suspect in the double homicide of Darnell Donerson, 57, and Jason Hudson, 29, whose bodies were found Friday afternoon in a South Side home.

Jennifer Hudson's personal publicist, Lisa Kasteler, confirmed the deaths.

"We can confirm that there is an ongoing investigation concerning the deaths of Jennifer Hudson's mother, Darnell Donerson, and her brother, Jason Hudson," Kasteler said in a statement. "No further comment will be made and the family has asked that their privacy be respected at this difficult time."

The deaths appeared to be the result of domestic abuse, Bond said. The Cook County medical examiner's office said autopsies for Donerson and Jason Hudson were pending.

Deputy Chief Joseph Patterson said a family member entered the home around 3 p.m. Friday, found a woman shot on the living room floor and left to notify authorities. Responding officers found a man shot in the bedroom, Patterson said. There was no sign of forced entry.

Police tape blocked access to the large, white house, where a crowd gathered outside. Investigators with dogs and flashlights searched foliage surrounding a church that faces the home.

Authorities issued the Amber Alert for King and sought a 1994 white Chevrolet Suburban. The child was the grandson of the female victim, officials said.

The alert said the child was possibly abducted and could be accompanied by Balfour, who was considered armed and dangerous and called a suspect in the double homicide investigation.

Records from the Illinois Department of Corrections show Balfour, 27, is on parole and spent nearly seven years in prison for attempted murder, vehicular hijacking and possessing a stolen vehicle. Public records show one of Balfour's addresses as the home where Donerson and Jason Hudson were shot.

The alert said the boy could also be in a teal or green Chrysler Concorde with a temporary license plate, a left front headlight hanging out and scratches on the left side of the vehicle.

The tragedy comes as Hudson, who grew up in Chicago, continues to reach new heights in her career. Her song "Spotlight" is No. 1 on Billboard's Hot R&B/Hip-Hop charts and her recently released, self-tiled debut album has been a top seller. She was featured in this year's blockbuster "Sex and the City" movie and is also starring in the hit film "The Secret Life of Bees."

She won an Academy Award for best supporting actress in 2007 for her role in "Dreamgirls." In an interview last year with Vogue, Hudson credited her mother with encouraging her to audition for "American Idol," which launched her career.

The singer, whose father died when she was a teenager, described herself as very close to her family. In a recent AP interview she said her family, which includes older siblings Julia and Jason, helped keep her grounded.

"My faith in God and my family, they're very realistic and very normal, they're not into the whole limelight kind of thing, so when I go home to Chicago that's just another place that's home," she said. "I stand in line with everybody else, or, when I go home to my mom I'm just Jennifer, (so she says), 'You get up and you take care of your own stuff.' And I love that; I don't like when people tell you everything you want to hear, I want to hear the truth, you know what I mean."

Hudson recently announced her engagement to David Otunga, best known for his stint on VH1's reality show "I Love New York."

"JOHN" The Most Famous Call-In Talk Show Listener in Memphis!

2008-10-12T20:50:00.006-05:00

Name: John Douglass
DOB: 11/24/1951 Sagittarius
Height : 6’ 2”
Weight: 185

John, tell me something about yourself that the listeners may not know.
When I was 6 years old I was hit by a car and that made it hard for me to learn. I only went as far as the 10th grade in school and most of that was due to social promotions. I donot consider my self a trouble maker but sometimes people take me the wrong way and this has caused me to become a little paranoid.

John, what type of woman do you like?
I want someone who is kind and considerate. I like a woman that does not fly off the handle easily. I want someone who is easy to get along with. I don’t like bossy women. I want a woman who will take me as I am, because as you can see I do not have much (material things) to offer a woman.

John, how long ago were you in a serious relationship?
Three to four years ago.

John, what do you want in a woman?
I just like a good looking woman. I like young women; 18-19 however I am open to the age of 18-50. And yes, I will date outside of my race. I know a lot of people will think I am a dirty old man but I like young women.

What type of relationship are you interested in having?
I am in interested in casual dating, because when things get serious women often mislead me and they have other motives in mind.

John have you ever been married?
No.

John do you have any children?
No.

John, will you date a woman with children?
Yes, the last woman I was involved with had 5 kids. And her kids loved me.

John do you work?
No.

Where and when was your last job?
I worked for Memphis Housing Authority in 1981. I worked in maintenance.

John what are your hobbies and what do you enjoy doing for fun?
I enjoy going to clubs, including shake joints. I enjoy music. I like blues, disco and hip hop

John do you dance?
I use to, but I hurt my leg and now I just sit and listen to the music.

So, John tell me why a woman would want to go out with you.
I am a really nice guy. I like to take a woman out. I enjoy going to fun places. I don’t have no problems. I don’t have no mess.

John, you say you are nice to women, give me an example of something that you have done in the past that most people would consider nice.
In my last relationship, I use to take my woman shopping.

John, how long have you been calling the local radio station talk shows?
For over 17 years.

John, what is different about you now?
In the past people use to pick on me a lot and most of that was because I let them. But now I do not let people pick on me anymore. I often come across negative, but I really try to focus on the positive.

John, what do you want to get out of this whole experience?
I am really not expecting too much, because I know I do not look good to a lot people. I know I do not have a lot to offer. A lot of people think I am strange. I am open for anything. I will meet anybody. I do not expect too much, I will live even if no one wants to meet me.

"FIND LOVE IN 30 DAYS!"

2008-10-09T08:42:00.009-05:00

"SHAY YOUR
DATE DIVA"

Shay Your Date Diva, Dated Over 100 Men in Nine Months to Find 30 Day Love Formula!

Relationship and dating expert uses own dating experience, research, and case studies to show others how to find love in 30 days.

Shay Williams, from Alanta, Georgia, known to her fans as "Shay Your Date Diva" found dating to be a nightmare when she entered the dating game after her divorce. She cites that she learned that many single moms, just like her were also experiencing horrifying dating challenges.

Striking out did not stop "Shay Your Date Diva" and she set out on a mission to unlock the mystery of dating and finding love while being a single mom. Along the way, she discovered how single women can also find love. Certainly, no easy task for "Shay Your Date Diva" who dated over 100 men in nine months to author her hot selling manual "Single Moms Dating Guide to Catching The Man of Your Dreams in 30 Days."

This handy instructional manual; focuses on guiding single moms on how-to find love and find love fast. "Shay Your Date Diva" reveals that besides dating over 100 men in nine months, she read over 50 relationship books, interviewed hundreds of men, women, and also couples.
"I discovered that there were common natural behaviors women do that either turn men off or turn men on or make men want to love, cherish and honor them," stated Shay Williams, "Shay Your Date Diva."

She continues that because she was newly divorced when she entered the dating game, she had no clue about how the dating scene worked. Her lack of knowledge she stresses caused her to push men away and after one heart break after another she decided to go on a journey to uncover the secrets of understanding men, dating patterns and what it takes to attract the right man and win his heart no matter who he is or what a woman looks like.

http://www.lovein30days.com/

http://www.singlemomsdatingguide.com/

ALL MARRIAGES AND RELATIONSHIPS MUST BE FED! SO, LEARN HOW TO START FEEDING YOUR LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS NOW!

2008-10-08T23:52:00.005-05:00

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Ex-Boyfriend Barbecues Ex-Girlfriend to Death on Two Barbecue Pits...

2008-09-29T23:49:00.009-05:00

Jury selection is set to begin Monday for a Texas man accused of killing, dismembering and grilling his ex-girlfriend.

Timothy Wayne Shepherd, 28, confessed last year to strangling Texas A&M student Tynesha Stewart, 19, last year, and now faces trial for the murder, the Houston Chronicle reports.

Investigators said Shepherd admitted strangling Stewart because he was angry she had begun a new relationship. Prosecutors believe Shepherd dismembered her body and burned her remains on two barbecue pits over the course of two days, the paper said.

"We have determined through this investigation that the defendant dismembered Tynesha Stewart and . . . he burned the body parts," Harris County Sheriff Tommy Thomas said in March 2007. "There are no remaining body parts."

Despite the confession, prosecutors will have an uphill battle convicting Shepherd as investigators could not link the 30 pieces of charred bone and hair recovered from the defendant's apartment to the dead woman's DNA, the Chronicle said.
He faces life in prison if convicted.

Officials first thought that the body had been disposed in a large commercial trash bin that had since been emptied. Authorities believed her remains were scattered in several overflowing landfills, and that the search would be expensive and nearly impossible.

In the days following the arrest, authorities said they would not search for Stewart's body because there was little chance of success. The decision angered family and friends, and complaints from activists and lawmakers prompted Thomas to get emergency approval to spend up to $500,000 for a search. But the search never began.

Thomas said he knew, but could not disclose, that there were no body parts to find. He said investigators were unable to release that information to the public or to Stewart's family because of the investigation. Stewart's family has since been advised, and understands why there will be no search, Thomas said.

Stewart, a college freshman from Houston, was last seen with Shepherd on March 15, 2007, while she was home for spring break visiting her mother. Friends said Stewart and Shepherd quit dating at the beginning of that school year.

Ex-Teacher in Nebraska Gets (6) years in Sex Case with Student She Fled to Mexico With...

2008-09-29T22:31:00.004-05:00

A former teacher who fled to Mexico with a 13-year-old student so she could have sex with him was sentenced Monday to six years in federal prison. Kelsey Peterson, 26, had pleaded guilty in July to a charge of transporting a minor across state lines to have sex and avoided a similar charge that would have carried a mandatory 10-year minimum sentence.

She will be credited for nearly one year she has already served and could get another year off for good behavior, said U.S. Attorney Joe Stecher.

The guilty plea doesn't mean Peterson is off the hook on state charges, which include kidnapping and first-degree sexual assault.

Her attorney, James Martin Davis, said he hoped those charges will be dropped, but Dawson County Attorney Elizabeth Waterman said she will proceed with a state case.

Peterson and her relatives and friends cried as they waved to each other across the courtroom and said, "I love you" after the hearing.

She started having sex with the boy when he was 12 years old and a student at the middle school where she taught in the south-central Nebraska town of Lexington.

Peterson's attorney, James Martin Davis, had publicly questioned the boy's birth certificate. Davis said the boy was likely at least 16, and that he was the aggressor.

Amy Peck, attorney for the boy and his family, bristled at the suggestion.
"He was a 12-year-old boy and the defendant knew it," Peck said in July, after Peterson's guilty plea.

Peterson was the boy's sixth-grade math teacher at Lexington Middle School during the 2005-06 school year, then started having sex with him in November 2006, according to court documents.

She and the boy disappeared in October, soon after the school district's superintendent confronted Peterson about allegations of an inappropriate relationship with the boy.

Peterson was arrested a week later in Mexico after the boy called his family.

The Associated Press previously named the boy as police were searching for him but stopped using his name after authorities charged Peterson with a sex crime.

The boy was an illegal immigrant at the time but has been granted humanitarian parole by the Department of Homeland Security.

Peck has said she plans to seek a visa that could put the boy and his parents on the path to citizenship.

She said there is no relationship between Peterson and the boy.
"I would fully doubt if there will be a relationship in the future," Peck said.

Preacher Killed Wife and Stuffed Body in Freezer...

2008-09-29T22:22:00.007-05:00

An evangelical preacher killed his wife several years ago and stuffed her body in a freezer after she caught him abusing their daughter, according to police and court documents.

Anthony Hopkins, 37, was arrested at the Inspirational Tabernacle Church of God in Christ in Jackson, Alabama, just after he had delivered a sermon to a congregation that included his seven other children, officials said.

He faces charges including murder, rape, sodomy, sexual abuse and incest.

The daughter, now 19, went to the Mobile Police Department's Child Advocacy Center and reported that she had been sexually abused by Hopkins since she was 11 years old, according to an affidavit filed in support of a search warrant of the preacher's home in Mobile.

The affidavit related the daughter's story as follows:
Her mother, Arletha Hopkins, 36, caught her father abusing her in a bathroom in November 2004. Afterward, her parents argued, and her mother locked her father out of the house.

The father came to the daughter's window and asked her to let him in, and she did so.
The next morning, her father asked her to help him hide her mother's body in the freezer in the laundry room of the home.

The girl said she moved out of the home about two weeks ago and was living with a neighbor. She told police that her mother's body was still in the freezer.

When authorities went to the home, no one was there, as Hopkins and the other children were at the church. A body was found in the freezer, the affidavit says.

Mobile Police Chief Phillip Garrett had said that an identification and autopsy results would take a few days: "obviously, the body was in a freezer."

He said he was not sure of the body's condition or whether it was intact, as upon seeing the body, authorities immediately sealed the chest-type freezer. The body had been covered in the unit, he said, and the entire appliance was taken to the state Department of Forensic Science.

At the Inspirational Tabernacle Church of God in Christ, Hopkins was preaching at a revival, pastor Beverly Jackson told CNN affiliate WKRG. His message, she said, was about forgiveness and not passing judgment -- and at one point, he turned to his seven children and asked them to forgive him his past, present and future.

Police allowed Hopkins to finish his sermon before arresting him, Jackson said. She said she asked police why they were arresting him and was told, "he murdered his wife."
She said Hopkins had told her his wife died four years ago while giving birth to their youngest son.

Authorities moved quickly on the daughter's accusations to make sure the children still in the household were OK, Garrett said. They were placed in the custody of child welfare authorities. The next-oldest child is a 17-year-old female, he said.

All eight were the children of Arletha Hopkins, and Anthony Hopkins fathered six of them, he said.

An investigation has not found any record of Arletha Hopkins' existence since 2004, according to the affidavit. Asked how long police think the body had been in the freezer, Garrett said, "I'm thinking that she's probably been there for a number of years."

He said Anthony Hopkins did not have a regular church but apparently preached in various areas around the South.

"Part of the mystery here is that, apparently, none of these children were in school" but were being home-schooled, Mobile County District Attorney John Tyson said. "Home schooling, under this situation, removes almost any chances of us catching up with these kinds of things until there is a catastrophe."

Pastor Jerry Porter said he used to preach with Hopkins at his church, the Williams Street Holiness Church, and knew the family.

Arletha Hopkins "was very quiet," he told Mobile television station and CNN affiliate WPMI. "She was kind of secluded. She'd talk, but not much."

Anthony Hopkins, he said, made statements that led him to believe all was not well at home. "He always used to tell me ... 'You're blessed in the fact that you have a wife that supports you and what you're trying to do for God,' " Porter said.

He said Arletha Hopkins disappeared shortly after the couple's youngest child was born. As rumors swirled, Porter said, he confronted Hopkins and asked whether his wife was dead. Hopkins "wouldn't give me an answer," he said.

After that, Porter said, he banned him from the church but remained on good terms with him.
He said he visited the family a few years ago, and their home was clean and well-kept.
"It was the ideal family. I mean, the children were so respectful, just so easygoing," Porter said. "Didn't seem to be no stress at all. Never got that impression, never."

The children, he said, "loved their dad. They were very close to him."
Of Hopkins' preaching ability, Porter said, "he was a bulls-eye prophet. If he told you something, you could pretty much bank on it."

WHY DO MEN AND WOMEN CHEAT?????

2008-09-24T21:49:00.007-05:00

Infidelity or extramarital affairs have been extensively studied over the past two decades.

Basically, when it comes to infidelity, two related explanations have been given.

The first explanation is probably the most well known: Spouses cheat because of problems in their relationship - something is missing, passion has faded, partners feel lonely, people find someone who treats them better or who appreciates them more than their current spouse, and so on.

Simply stated, people claim that they are not happy in their relationship so they look for love and affection elsewhere.

The second explanation is more detailed in nature. This explanation ignores the reasons that people "give" for cheating and looks deeper into our human nature.

The second explanation explores what it means to be human and asks, "why is being faithful to a spouse so difficult for many people to do?"

Probably the best way to think about these two explanations is to view them as two sides of the same coin.

One explanation looks at what people "say" about infidelity, while the other explanation looks at "how and why infidelity" occurs.

Together, both explanations give us a more complete picture about infidelity, love and romance.

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES EVERY COUPLE SHOULD KNOW!

2008-08-29T09:36:00.006-05:00

A
MUST
READ
FOR
ALL
LOVE
AND
RELATIONSHIPS!

AS A MAN OR WOMAN THINKETH...

2008-08-27T21:22:00.016-05:00

This
Book
Will
Change
Your
Life!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR DIVORCE!

2008-08-18T22:24:00.003-05:00

1. Infidelity: It could be argued that infidelity within marriages is a reaction by a spouse to the real breakdown of the marriage, and is not itself the cause. Either way, it is cited as the cause for nearly a third of US divorces and is therefore the most common reason for divorce. Some surveys have shown that adultery occurs in over half of failed marriages. Spouses may be unfaithful consistently during an affair, intermittently, or just once in a one night stand. Common explanations for unfaithfulness include resentment or anger (with the other spouse), sexual boredom, and many of the other causes of marital failure.

2. Communication breakdown: After having lived with a spouse for a number of years, it may become apparent that the couple becomes unable to communicate in a normal, meaningful fashion. Either spouse's inability to avoid exchanges which invariably result in conflict is representative of a communication breakdown in the marriage. In extreme cases, especially if accompanied by abusive tendencies or other symptoms of dysfunction, a growing inability to deal with any verbal exchanges without conflict could be indicative of a much more serious problem that requires the attention of a mental health professional. More often, however, growing differences between the spouses which may have their roots in other mentioned causes are to blame for communication breakdowns.

3. Physical, psychological, or emotional abuse: Where either spouse is frequently abusive towards children or each other, the other spouse has clear grounds for divorce. Physical abuse includes violence, fighting, manhandling, and physical bullying of an individual. Psychological and emotional abuse can be as seemingly innocuous as verbal insults, and can range to taunting, humiliation, intimidation, and consistent negative reinforcement.

4. Financial issues: One of the most common reasons for divorce is economic strain or collapse of the family. Every couple has to deal with money at some stage, and when there is not enough to go around, differences in temperament and priorities are brought to a head. Even if there is no debt incurred, disagreements over the allocation of money and resources within the marriage and the home can often be enough to end an already irritated relationship.

5. Sexual incompatibility: Biological research has shown that the average strength of the sex drive in men and women is most similar throughout life for couples aged about ten years apart. However, the majority of couples marry only a few years apart, and as such, once the couple approaches their 30s, the trend is for the strength of their respective sex drives to fall out of synchronization. If there are already marked differences of sexual taste and preferences, or any other problems in the bedroom, this incompatibility is further exacerbated.

6. Boredom: Biologically speaking, humans' preference is to pair for about seven years before changing mates. While well matched couples will, naturally, stay together for much longer than this, and possibly for life, most do not. Some couples will eventually grow distant, disinterested, and eventually bored with each other. Such divorces are often the least bitter of all, and often end amiably enough.

7. Religious and cultural strains: Couples of mixed ethnicity, religion, or from significantly different cultures may find themselves being pressured by the expectations of their spouse, or their spouse's culture to conform to the ideals of the other. This may include resentment at having to observe the dietary taboos of a culture, or more seriously, disputes over the spiritual development of any children. Most parents prefer that their children be the same religion as themselves, which immediately creates tension even in relatively happy multicultural marriages.

8. Child Rearing: Serious disputes over the appropriate upbringing of a child are often enough to provoke an application for a petition of divorce by a parent. Cases of neglect and abuse are especially pertinent here, however, simple disagreements over which choice of school to send the child, or incompetence in dealing with inappropriate behavior from children is also a common reason for divorce.

9. Addiction: An addiction is an acquired compulsion to repeatedly engage in an activity, to the point that it negatively affects other priorities. Addiction is therefore not a phenomenon limited to drugs alone. Anything you do compulsively that begins to encroach on your ability to function can probably be called an addiction. It is therefore possible to be addicted to food, gambling, drugs and alcohol, the Internet, games, and any of a host of other things. An addiction that can be shown to be causing harm is an acceptable reason for the granting of an at-fault divorce.

10. Differences in priorities and expectations: This is a fairly nebulous idea that describes situations where married couples have found marriage or their spouse to be so drastically different to how they expected at marriage that they wish the marriage to end. It can also describe marriages where one spouse undergoes a sudden change in life priorities. Deaths in the family, other marital strains, severe medical trauma, or mid-life crises are often the cause of such divorces.

MARCUS BRUTUS WINCHESTER: The First Mayoral Interracial Marriage In Memphis!

2008-08-13T10:19:00.002-05:00

Marcus B. Winchester, land developer and first mayor of Memphis, was born on May 28, 1796, at Cragfont, the eldest son of James Winchester and Susan Black. Winchester was educated in Baltimore but left school at age sixteen to serve at his father's side in the War of 1812.

He was captured with his father and others at the battle of River Raisin and sent to prison in Quebec.In October 1818 Winchester accompanied Andrew Jackson and Isaac Shelby to the signing of the Chickasaw Cession (Jackson Purchase) and traveled on to the Chickasaw Bluff to report on the land investment owned by his father, Jackson, and John Overton. Winchester and surveyor William Lawrence drew up a plan for a town which his father named Memphis.Marcus Winchester made his home in Memphis, where he served as agent for the proprietors and opened the first store.

He was one of the first five members of the Quarterly Court and was elected register in 1820. When Memphis was incorporated in 1826, Winchester became the first mayor. He operated a ferry and served as postmaster until 1849, although his loyalty to the Jacksonians came under question when he supported Davy Crockett for Congress.

About 1823 Winchester married Amarante Loiselle (called Mary) of New Orleans, and most historians agree that she was a woman of color. They had six daughters and two sons. Possibly because of his marriage and the hardening of racial lines, Winchester's career declined. He moved with his family to his farm three miles outside Memphis and was involved in a variety of lawsuits and financial difficulties.After his wife's death in 1840, Winchester married a nineteen-year-old widow, Lucy Lenore Ferguson McLean, in 1842.

He served as a delegate to a railroad convention in St. Louis in 1849 and was elected to the state legislature in 1851. Winchester died on November 2, 1856.

Perre Magness, MemphisSuggested Reading(s): Michelle Jarzombek, "Memphis-South Memphis Conflict, 1826-1850," Tennessee Historical Quarterly 41 (1982): 23-36.

THE JOHN EDWARDS' COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT ON ABC'S "NIGHTLINE" - "IS THIS THE END OF JOHN EDWARDS' POLITICAL FUTURE?"

2008-08-10T12:09:00.020-05:00

Transcript: ABC's Bob Woodruff's Interview With John Edwards on "Nightline,"Aug. 8, 2008.

The following excerpts are from an interview by ABC News' Bob Woodruff of former Sen. John Edwards for ABC News "Nightline" on Aug. 8, 2008.

BOB WOODRUFF: Senator, before we start this I just want to make it clear to our audience that you asked me to come here, and asked me to come here to talk about the reports about your personal life. & Let me ask you the question, did you have an affair with Ms. Hunter?

JOHN EDWARDS: In 2006 2 years ago, I made a very serious mistake. A mistake that I am responsible for and no one else. In 2006 I told Elizabeth about the mistake, asked her for her forgiveness, asked God for his forgiveness. And we have kept this within our family since that time. All of my family knows about this and just to be absolutely clear, none of them are responsible for it. I am responsible for it. I alone am responsible for it. And it led to this most recent incident at the Beverly Hilton. I was at the Beverly Hilton. I was there for a very simple reason, because I was trying to keep this mistake that I had made from becoming public.

BOB WOODRUFF: Is this affair completely over?

JOHN EDWARDS: Oh yes, it's been over for a long time.

WOODRUFF: And, How long did it last and when exactly did it end?

JOHN EDWARDS: Well, here's the way I feel about this Bob. I think that my family is entitled to every detail. They've been told every detail. Elizabeth knows absolutely everything. I think beyond the basics, the fact that I made this mistake and I'm responsible for it and no one else. I think that's where it stops in terms of the public because I think everything else is within my family and those privacy boundaries ought to be respected.

WOODRUFF: I know this is a very difficult question, but were you in love with Rielle Hunter?

EDWARDS: I'm in love with one woman. I've been in love with one woman for 31 years. She is the finest human being I have ever known. And the fact that she is with me after this having happened is a testament to the kind of woman and the kind of human being she is. There is a deep and abiding love that exists between Elizabeth and myself. It's always been there, it in my judgment has never gone away.

WOODRUFF: Your wife, Elizabeth, is probably the most admired and beloved person in this country, she's had enormous sympathy because she's also gone through cancer, how could you have done this?

EDWARDS: Here's what, can I explain to you what happened? First of all it happened during a period after she was in remission from cancer, that's no excuse in any possible way for what happened. This is what happened. It's what happened with me and I think happens unfortunately more often sometimes with other people.& Ego. Self-focus, self-importance. Now, I was slapped down to the ground when my son Wade died in 1996, in April of 1996. But then after that I ran for the senate and I got elected to the Senate and here we go again, it's the same old thing again. Adulation, respect, admiration. Then I went from being a senator, a young senator to being considered for vice president, running for president, being a vice presidential candidate and becoming a national public figure. All of which fed a self-focus, an egotism, a narcissism that leads you to believe that you can do whatever you want. You're invincible. And there will be no consequences. And nothing, nothing could be further from the truth.

WOODRUFF: So your assumption was that you'd just never be caught?

EDWARDS: It was a huge judgment, mistake in judgment. But yeah, I didn't think anyone would ever know about it. I didn't. And the important thing is, how could I ever get to the place, to that place and allow myself to let that happen?

WOODRUFF: And If you thought that you would not get caught, how did Elizabeth find out about this affair?

EDWARDS: I told her.

WOODRUFF: This was before there was public reporting on this?

EDWARDS: Oh it was way before. This was in 2006. I decided, it was clear to me very quickly after this happened that I had to tell her that I loved her, she was central to my life, she had to know it and it was painful for her. Hard and painful for her, but she responded exactly like the kind of woman she is. And then she forgave me and we went to work on it. I'm not saying she thought it was okay, I'm not saying that, but she did forgive me. Listen, she understands what I understand which is that I am imperfect and anybody, anybody watching this broadcast or who hears about this who wants to beat me up for this, they should have at it. The truth is you can't possibly beat me up more than I have already beaten myself up.

WOODRUFF: Why did you continue to deny it publicly and not tell the truth?

EDWARDS: Because I did not want the public to know what I had done. Fair and simple. And there's also a lot of these you know supermarket tabloid allegations are just lies, they're complete lies. But this, this mistake, is the truth.

WOODRUFF: When Elizabeth did find out about this, how has she coped? What was her reaction to that?

EDWARDS: She was mad, she was angry, I think furious would be a good way to describe it. She didn't understand. We both went through a process of trying to figure out how it happened, why it happened. But she was amazing, she's just an amazing person. Elizabeth and I have been married 31 years. The admiration she gets from the public is deserved and, but nobody can see -- Bob, you've been married a long time, nobody can see inside everybody's marriage. & This is not something Elizabeth did, this something I did. And I continue to love and admire her because she has just stood with me.

WOODRUFF: I need to ask about probably the most controversial allegation. Which is that a report has been published that the baby of Ms. Hunter is your baby. True?

EDWARDS: Not true. Published in a supermarket tabloid. That is absolutely not true.

WOODRUFF: Have you taken a paternity test?

EDWARDS: I have not, I would welcome participating in a paternity test. Be happy to participate in one. I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine because of the timing of events, so I know it's not possible. Happy to take a paternity test, and would love to see it happen.

WOODRUFF: Are you going to do that soon?

EDWARDS: I'm only one side -- I'm only one side of the test, but I'm happy to participate in one.
WOODRUFF: Has Miss Hunter said, she does not want to do this DNA test?

EDWARDS: I don't know what she has said.

WOODRUFF: People say they are in contact with her, have told us that you have met her out in California several times. True?

EDWARDS: I met her this last time when I was in California for the very purpose that you and I just spoke about.

WOODRUFF: And that picture is absolutely you and you are holding that baby.

EDWARDS: The picture in the tabloid. I have no idea what that picture is.
WOODRUFF: But you've seen it right?

EDWARDS: I did see it and I cannot make any sense out of that. When I went to this meeting you've already asked me about, uh, I was not wearing a t-shirt, I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up. I don't know who that picture -- I don't know if that picture is me, it could well be, it looks like me. I don't know who that baby is, I have no idea what that picture is.

WOODRUFF: But are you saying you don't remember holding that child of Miss Hunter?

EDWARDS: I'm saying you asked me about this photograph, I don't know anything about that photograph, I don't know who that baby is. I don't know if the picture has been altered, manufactured, if it's a picture of me taken some other time, holding another baby -- I have no idea. I was not at this meeting holding a child for my photograph to be taken I can tell you that.

WOODRUFF: You did say you did meet her at a hotel in California.

EDWARDS: She was there, Mr. McGovern was present, and that's where the meeting took place.

WOODRUFF: But you don't remember a baby being there?

EDWARDS: No.

WOODRUFF: There are reports that you have tried to cover up. They call it alleged hush money. That there was money paid to try, to cover up this affair. Was there?

EDWARDS: Uh, this is what I can tell you. I've never paid a dime of money to any of the people that are involved. I've never asked anybody to pay a dime of money, never been told that any money's been paid. Nothing has been done at my request. So if the allegation is that somehow I participated in the payment of money -- that is a lie. An absolute lie, which is typical of these types of publications.

WOODRUFF: I do need to tell you though through ABC investigation there has been evidence, or we've been told that there, about $15,000 a month has been paid to Miss Hunter, so that she could actually live out in California. In fact that money was from Fred Baron, who was your national finance chair. Is that correct?

EDWARDS: I don't know. I told you just a moment ago, I know absolutely nothing about this.

WOODRUFF: You never even heard about that before?

EDWARDS: I've heard about it from reporters like you just in the last few days. It's the first I hear anything about it.

WOODRUFF: And Andrew Young has declared publicly that he is the father of the baby, of Miss Hunter.

EDWARDS: I'm aware of that.

WOODRUFF: Do you think that's true?

EDWARDS: I don't know.

WOODRUFF: So when you see this now and you see the reporting about it and you see the information about it, are you going to try to look into this? That this is somebody doing this to cover up what happened with your affair?

EDWARDS: If you're talking about Fred Baron, I do know Fred Baron. I also know that Fred Baron knows both of these people who are involved and has worked with them for years. So he has the relationship with them independent of me. So what he chose to do or not do, I can't explain, he'll have to explain. I don't know what he did or why he did it. And what his reasons for, were, for doing it. Is it possible that he wanted to help them because they were in a difficult time? Of course. Is it possible that he was worried that in fact something had happened with me, and he wanted to help? Of course that's possible. I think all these things are possible.

WOODRUFF: Do you think it's possible he was trying to protect you?

EDWARDS: Do I think it was possible he was trying to help me?

WOODRUFF: Yes.

EDWARDS: Yeah, of course I think it's possible.

WOODRUFF: Do you think your political career is completely over?

EDWARDS: I'm not sure I had a political career for the future anyway. I'm not sure that politics was what I wanted to spend my life doing.

WOODRUFF: Will your marriage survive?

EDWARDS: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I think our marriage will not only survive but be strong.

WOODRUFF: When you hired Ms. Hunter, that was back in 2006, the committee hired in July 2006, paid her $114,000 to make films for you. She did have a lot of experience. Uh was the affair going on when you hired her?

EDWARDS: No. No. And again, I always said this to you, I don't think I'm going to go through the details of this, I already did it with Elizabeth-- uh, she was hired to come in and produce films and that's the reason she was hired.

WOODRUFF: But this had nothing to do with the fact that you were having an affair with her?

EDWARDS: Same answer. Same answer -- no I did not.

WOODRUFF: So you hired her before it even started?

EDWARDS: That is correct.

WOODRUFF: In terms of the Beverly Hilton, did Elizabeth, your wife, know you were visiting the Beverly Hilton?

EDWARDS: No.

WOODRUFF: That was a secret?

EDWARDS: You mean did I tell her before I went?

WOODRUFF: Yeah.

EDWARDS: I did not.

WOODRUFF: Did she find out after the recourse?

EDWARDS: She found out the next morning; I called her and told her.

WOODRUFF: And in terms of this baby -- does Elizabeth think this is possibly your baby?

EDWARDS: No, of course not.

WOODRUFF: Is it only possible to prove it though with a DNA test?

EDWARDS: I'm not a scientist -- I don't know what the various methods of proving it are but that's certainly one way to prove it. I mean I know right now it's not possible and she does too.

WOODRUFF: When you do do that test or if you do that test, would you tell us the result of it?

EDWARDS: Sure, of course.

WOODRUFF: Did you want to control Ms. Hunter to some degree? In the sense that you didn't want her to reveal this relationship?

EDWARDS: I wanted her not to tell the public what had happened. Very simple. That's the reason I went.

Copyright © 2008 ABC News Internet Ventures

ELIZABETH EDWARDS' STATEMENT:

John made a terrible mistake in 2006. The fact that it is a mistake that many others have made before him did not make it any easier for me to hear when he told me what he had done. But he did tell me. And we began a long and painful process in 2006, a process oddly made somewhat easier with my diagnosis in March of 2007.

This was our private matter, and I frankly wanted it to be private because as painful as it was I did not want to have to play it out on a public stage as well. Because of a recent string of hurtful and absurd lies in a tabloid publication, because of a picture falsely suggesting that John was spending time with a child it wrongly alleged he had fathered outside our marriage, our private matter could no longer be wholly private.

The pain of the long journey since 2006 was about to be renewed.

John has spoken in a long on-camera interview I hope you watch. Admitting one’s mistakes is a hard thing for anyone to do, and I am proud of the courage John showed by his honesty in the face of shame. The toll on our family of news helicopters over our house and reporters in our driveway is yet unknown.

But now the truth is out, and the repair work that began in 2006 will continue. I ask that the public, who expressed concern about the harm John’s conduct has done to us, think also about the real harm that the present voyeurism does and give me and my family the privacy we need at this time.
Elizabeth Edwards, August 8, 2008, on the "Daily Kos Blog"

The Facts About Domestic Violence: Are You A Victim?

2008-08-06T16:07:00.011-05:00

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

CDC Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System Survey
1 IN 4 WOMEN, 1 IN 9 MEN IN UNITED STATES ARE VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AT SOME POINT IN THEIR LIVES

In households with incomes under $15,000 per year, 35.5% of women and 20.7% of men suffered violence from an intimate partner.

43% of women and 26% of men in multiracial non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

39% of women and 18.6% of men in American Indian/Alaska Native households suffered partner violence.

26.8% of women and 15.5% of men in white non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

29.2% of women and 23.3% of men in black non-Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

20.5% of women and 15.5% of men in Hispanic households suffered partner violence.

CDC Adverse Health Conditions and Health Risk Behaviors Associated with Intimate Partner Violence

Each year, IPV results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women and nearly 600,000 injuries among men.

23.6% of women and 11.5% of men aged 18 years or more have a lifetime history of intimate partner violence victimization.

Highest percentage for women is adults aged 45-54 (31.2%)

Highest percentage for men is adults aged 25-34 (21.4%)

General Statistics
On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day.

92% of women say that reducing domestic violence and sexual assault should be at the top of any formal efforts taken on behalf of women today.

1 out of 3 women around the world has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.

1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit suicide.

1 in 3 teens report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, slapped, choked or physically hurt by his/her partner.

As many as 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy.

Violence against women costs companies $72.8 million annually due to lost productivity.
Ninety-four percent of the offenders in murder-suicides were male.

Seventy-four percent of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner(spouse, common-law spouse, ex-spouse, or boyfriend/girlfriend). Of these, 96 percent were females killed by their intimate partners.

Most murder-suicides with three or more victims involved a "family annihilator" -- a subcategory of intimate partner murder-suicide. Family annihilators are murderers who kill not only their wives/girlfriends and children, but often other family members as well, before killing themselves.

Seventy-five percent of murder-suicides occurred in the home.

The National Domestic Violence: Abusive Relationship Test

Embarrasses you with put-downs?
Looks at you or act in ways that scare you?
Controls what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stops you from seeing your friends or family members?
Takes your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Makes all of the decisions?
Tells you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevents you from working or attending school?
Acts like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroys your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shoves you, slaps you, chokes you, or hits you?
Forces you to try and drop charges?
Threatens to commit suicide?
Threatens to kill you?
If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799 SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Memphis Area Domestic Violence-Related Charities

Sophia’s HouseAssociated Catholic Charitieshttp://www.accinwesttn.org/

(901) 728-4229, Angela at Sophia’s House (901) 722-4700, Associated Catholic Charities
A local charity whose goals include:
Providing emergency, long-term housing for victims and their children
Rehabilitating victims to prevent future abusive relationships
Counseling victims who also have drug or alcohol-related issues

YWCA of Memphis http://www.ymcamemphis.org/

(901) 323-2211 (901) 725-4277 Crisis Hotline
A local arm of the national YWCA whose goals include:
Empowering women and eliminating racism through Christian values
Providing services to thousands of local domestic violence victims (women, children) including counseling, food, court advocacy, and shelter

Vday http://www.vday.org/

(212) 645-8329 (510) 841-4025
A national and global grass-roots effort whose goals include:
Educating the public to stop violence against women and girls
Raising awareness of and money for domestic violence programs

already in place with new and/or refurbished events
Teaching through testimonials and other media by Eve Ensler

from her global interviews with victims from different cultures

The Exchange Club Family Center http://www.exchangeclub.net/

(901) 726-2200 24-hour hotline
A local organization whose goals include:
Educating the public to end family violence
Monitoring protective family visitations for families in recovery or crisis

CAAP, Cocaine and Alcohol Awareness Program

http://www.caapincorporated.com/

(901) 794-0915 (901) 272-2221 Domestic Violence Hotline
A local organization whose goals include:
Providing a variety of behavioral health services to a diverse client base
Providing a 24-hour crisis center and counseling services
Advocating victims’ rights

10 Things Women Do That Drive Men Away!

2008-08-03T10:52:00.004-05:00

Some women, without even knowing it, are driving the men who love them right out of their lives. For the most part, women aren't getting information about men straight from the source. They're asking other women, listening to so-called expert friends, and believing statistics.

While those sources may be helpful and provide some information, nothing is as accurate as asking men what they think and feel. This list of ten things women do that drive men away was compiled from informal interviews with real everyday men. None of these men are "experts" from academia. None of them are sociologists, psychologists, or relationship experts.

They're just regular guys: a computer technician, a personal fitness trainer, a mail courier, a college student, an entrepreneur, a corporate executive, a sanitation worker, a police officer, a mechanic, and an attorney. When I got the guys together, the first question I asked was, "What are some of the things women do that drive men away?" I asked them to be blunt and candid in their responses, but I made it clear that I wasn't looking for a list of mean-spirited complaints. Instead, I wanted to compile a list of ten things that men wished women knew a list that would bridge the gap between men and women.

I told them the purpose of this list was to improve communication, avoid misunderstanding, and expose any "taboo" issues that need to be brought into the open. In that spirit, we began our discussion. As I sat and talked with the guys, most of their answers kept coming back to the ten areas explained below.

1. Acting Sweet To Get A Man, Then Changing "I don't know why women act so sweet during dating and change completely when they know they've got you." --Alvin, computer technician She used to go to bed in a naughty “teddy” and didn't care about sweating the curls out of her head. Now she goes to bed with a head full of rollers and a face covered with Noxzema. When they were dating, she batted her eyes, spoke softly, and always looked sexy.

But now that she's got him, that all changed. The gently batting eyes and shy smiles have been replaced with frowns, pursed lips, and shrill tones. No more sexy clothes. Now she dresses like she doesn't care what she looks like, every day is a bad hair day, and she's fast losing the curves in her body and developing a pleasantly plump figure.

Of course, men can't expect women to be superwomen who are able to work, cook, clean, and make love with flawless precision. But a woman shouldn't start out playing the superwoman role at the beginning and then change. It's better to present herself as she is and get it all out in the open. When a woman changes her entire act after the relationship gets going, men feel as though they've been duped. Suddenly, he doesn't know what to believe anymore and feels he can't really trust the woman he thought he knew.

2. Not Giving Enough Space "She clings to me because she thinks that every minute I'm not with her I'm fooling around." --Lewis, personal fitness trainer

The "S" word must be used carefully. Some men intentionally abuse the term "I need my space" to ensure that they can have their cake and eat it too--fool around while not giving up what they already have. But not all men are that way. Most men simply just want some room to be by themselves. Men, just like women, need to feel that they aren't trapped or being held hostage in their lives.

From time to time, men want to get away and be alone or hang out with their friends.

But it's a strain on the relationship when women think that a man is being selfish, silly, or making up an excuse to go out and cheat just because he wants some space. The smart woman knows that a man needs his space and doesn't hold it against him. She's confident enough to know that each person needs his/her own space to maintain a healthy relationship. On the other hand, jealous and possessive women are well known for their deliberate attempts to prevent a man from having any sort of privacy. Those are the women who think letting a man out of their sight is a mistake.

They keep choke holds on their men and eventually drive them away. But if a woman can't give the man a little space, either the relationship isn't solid or she has some personal problems she needs to deal with. If it's because she can't trust him out of her sight, she doesn't need that man anyway.

3. Wanting Too Many Things "I'm just a working man. I can't afford a two-story house in the suburbs, a Lexus, a Range Rover, a bunch of credit cards, and kids too." --Jesse, mail courier
Some black men say black women are unrealistic in their expectations and want too much. Of course, wanting a good hardworking man who respects women isn't asking too much. What happens when it goes far beyond that?

For some women, having a good man just isn't enough. They also want a Lexus, a two-story home in the suburbs, and a string of credit cards. When they don't have these things, they moan and complain as though life is terrible. If the man dares to say something about how he's happy with things as they are, he'll be accused of being complacent, lazy, and lacking ambition. It's fine to have goals and want some luxuries. But counting the blessings you already have never hurts either.

4. Not Saying What She Means "Women expect you to read their minds like a psychic." --Jamal, college student Men aren't very good mind readers. In fact, we often have difficulty just figuring out what women mean with the words they speak. I think women are far more sophisticated communicators than men; they seem to be more adept at the subtleties of gestures, facial expressions, and body language. Therefore, men and women almost always suffer from communication breakdowns in relationships.

Unfortunately, some women do not express themselves honestly and openly. It seems that they are more apt to use voice inflections and body language to communicate what they mean, even when the actual words they are saying convey the opposite.

Take this situation, for example: "No, I don't mind if you go out with your friends instead of taking me to a movie tonight," a woman says, tapping her foot and looking away with her arms folded. Although her mouth is saying quite literally, "No, I don't mind," her body is saying she does mind. Women expect the men in their lives to read their nonverbal cues. Some men fail to read the nonverbal cues of the women in their lives. When this happens, an argument is almost always the result, because the woman feels that she communicated her feelings to the man and he ignored her.

For example, I'll use the scenario from the previous paragraph. When that man comes home from his night out with the guys, his wife is going to be angry at him. She'll probably snap at him when she talks, slam doors, or even yell at him. "What's the problem?" he'll ask. "You know what the problem is!" But he really may not know what the problem is, because she never came out and said what she meant in words.

She expected him to read the nonverbal cues and he totally missed them. As a result, the woman believes that the man is just being callous and self-centered. Likewise, the man is upset too; he thinks she's nagging him for no reason. Both of them will go to bed angry.

5. The Three B's Of Sex "I'm going to be straight about it: sex is important to me." --Gene, entrepreneur Perhaps it would be nice if sex didn't play such a major role in relationships. But for most people, sex is a big part of a relationship. And for men, it's probably more important than it should be. The sexual aggravations of men boil down to the three B's: bad, boring, and the bedroom battle.

Bad sex: Sex is a learned skill. It's similar to driving a car. Basically, anyone can do it. Some are good at it. And others are experts. But everyone has an idea of what they consider good and bad sex. Common complaints among men are: lack of enthusiasm, lack of rhythm, no creativity, and poor technique. If a person in a relationship is dissatisfied or experiencing sexual dysfunction, it's something that should be openly and honestly discussed. The reasons for sexual dysfunction can be psychological, physiological, ethical, and religious, or a host of other things. If the problems seem insurmountable, the advice of a pastor or therapist may be necessary.

Boring sex: Boring sex isn't necessarily the same thing as bad sex. But it is far from good. Boring sex is always doing it in the same place, at the same time, and in the same old position. It's when the sex gets to the point that it feels like more of a duty than a desire. Boring sex is when you're going through all the motions but there's no spice or passion involved.

Bedroom Battles: Using sex as a weapon doesn't do anything but make a man angry. It can be subtle things such as not being open to touching and cuddling. Or it can be more strategic. It can be the refusal to do certain things in bed. The most brutal form of bedroom battle is outright refusal.

Of course, a man can't expect a woman who is angry at him to make mad, passionate love to him. That's where communication comes into play. It's far better to talk and resolve the differences than to play games of will because any real man will be very insulted by such behavior. Then he may become vengeful and the whole thing turns into a cold war of revenge. Bedroom Battles can lead to deep resentment and some men will use it as an excuse to cheat on their wives or girlfriends.

6. Constantly Talking About Other Men "She's always talking about this guy at her job and it really pisses me off." --Shawn, corporate executive Men don't like to hear women constantly talking about other men. It's not necessarily an ego thing. It's just that each man wants to feel special and important to the woman in his life. Women don't have to cradle us like babies. Nor do they need to be patronizing.

But a woman would be wise to realize that the ego of a man can be fragile. Black men in particular are constantly attempting to gain and maintain the basic elements of American manhood: the ability to provide, protect, and be masters of our own destinies.

Not talking excessively to your husband or boyfriend about how great you think other men are is one small thing that can go a long way toward healing the beleaguered black male ego.

7. Being A Drama Queen "She calls my pager all day when I'm at work. Then when I call her back, she just starts whining about some little thing that could've waited until later." --Art, sanitation worker Drama queens are always whining, pestering, or nagging about something.

With them, nothing can ever be right. They pull all kinds of little tricks to get and control a man's attention. If he's watching television, she wants him to get up and put out the trash. When he has time off from work, she tries to plan each hour for him. If it's bill-paying time, she's crying about her car note being late.

Another technique used by the drama queen is to play damsel in distress to get a man's attention. In this role the drama queen says "save me." Initially, it may make a man feel good to be the chivalrous knight in shining armor coming to the rescue. But too much distress can drive even the most loyal knight to ride off into the sunset.

8. Being Hard And Cold "I work the graveyard shift so I don't have to be at home with my wife." --Derek, police officer That response was from a man who had been married less than one year and was already engaged in a cold war with his wife.

Most of the time, she was openly disrespectful to him as a human being, not just as a man. Other times she was cold and aloof, barely acknowledging that he was in the room. Believe it or not, men have feelings too. Hard and cold behavior is enough to drive anyone away.

Again, we aren't asking to be cradled like babies. But every man wants home to be a safe refuge from the cold-hearted world. However, when the world at home is colder than the work world, there is no solace.

9. Cheating "They call us dogs, but women are out there fooling around just as much." --Barry, auto mechanic. Some women will maintain that when a woman is cheating it's always the fault of a man. That simply isn't true. Women are human beings and are therefore just as subject to dishonesty and deceit as any man.

Cheating takes two forms. First, there's the obvious form, which is having affairs. But the second way of cheating is mental. It's the subtle art of getting over on him. She may not be fooling around with another man but she may be cheating by fooling around with the checkbook balance. Her body may be faithful, but she may be cheating by playing manipulative games to keep him within her control.

Such games rob a man of his energy and creativity and prevent him from realizing his full potential. The truth is that cheating doesn't have to be just about affairs or lovers. Cheating is deception of any kind.

10. Engaging In A Power Struggle "I can't stand it when a woman always wants to prove to me that she's smart, tough, and independent." --Lawrence, attorney It really irritates men when women they're involved with are constantly trying to upstage them.

This is especially bothersome for those men who aren't trying to compete with their mates. This behavior takes many forms. Some women who engage in power struggles with their mates do it through career competition: who can make the most money or get the most prestige?

For some the competition is based upon education level: who has the most advanced degree from the most prestigious school? Another form of engaging in a power struggle is competing in disagreements: who gets the last word in? In addition to those power struggles, the men I spoke with mentioned four other ways some women engage in a power struggle: (1) Making sure they look smarter than a man by intentionally upstaging him in public. (2) Disagreeing for the sake of disagreement. (3) Unnecessary rudeness. (4) Being condescending or cutting down what a man says when he states his personal thoughts and opinions. The guys I spent the evening talking with agreed that they weren't intimidated by women who made more money, drove more expensive cars, or had more education than they did.

Their issue was with women who want to flaunt those things in order to be the superior person in a relationship. They all agreed that such behavior was a complete turnoff. No matter what form the power struggle comes in, it's an energy drain for a man who isn't interested in competing with his mate.

Engaging in a power struggle is a quick way to drive a man away. I know this list is going to make the tempers of some women flare. But remember, this isn't a list of complaints. It's information intended to give women insight into what men are thinking; it's a bridge across the communication gap.

Without straight and candid communication, we can't solve the issues that threaten to end so many relationships. Use these ten issues as a starting point for a dialogue with your husband, the man in your life, or a male friend. Such a discussion will give you even better insight than reading this list. And that's the one-on-one communication needed not only to save relationships but to make them better.

WHY ARE WE HAVING A VERY DIFFICULT TIME MAKING LOVE WORK?

2008-07-28T20:31:00.005-05:00

Believe this or not, most of us are clueless when it comes to having a healthy, vibrant and mature "Love and Relationship!" Why: because most of us have never been taught how to make love work, in our "Love & Relationships."

As quiet as it's kept, great relationships are achieved by individuals who have allowed themselves to be open to directions, teachings, instructions, observations and a great desire to internalize wisdom, knowledge and understanding of themselves and the opposite sex, before they enter serious relationships. (This is called Wholeness)

Here's something to ponder about "Love and Relationships": Who taught you how to have a mature and developed love and relationship? Where and how did you learn all that you know about the opposite sex? Have you ever studied "Love and Relationships"- (Psychology 101, Sociology 101, the Bible: (Ephesians, Chapter 5: 22-33), or some of Dr. Laura's Books,) etc. How is it possible to expect great results from something you haven't studied - mastered or become very acquainted with? Have you healed the damaged from the last relationship? Are you a whole "Single" individual before you enter a committed relationship?

Finally, What is Love, Who is Love? Can you define what "Real Love" is (Is Love an Action or a Feeling?) and if you saw it, would you know what it looks like? It's very difficult to see something, if you don't know what it actually looks like, feel like, smell like or taste like, nor if you have never seen "Real Love" up close!

We all have work to do when it comes to healthy, vibrant, mature and developed "Love and Relationships"... Let's Get Started, because if we don't learn how to love and love with a purpose, than our so called "Love and Relationships" are doomed before they start!

"When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny and My Love and Relationships"

(5) WAYS TO KEEP YOUR CAREER MOVING ON THE RIGHT TRACK...

2008-07-27T10:11:00.008-05:00

The old adage says, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush," and its wisdom is applicable to job seekers. It is usually far easier to find another job if you're already employed. But how can you ensure that the worst never happens to you -- that you're never left without a job and possibilities for your next opportunity?

Here are five suggestions from career coach Deborah Brown-Volkman:

Keep thinking positive.

It sounds deceptively simple, but try embracing the power of positive thinking when you're thinking about your career. Says Brown-Volkman, "When you tell yourself something bad will happen to your job, something bad will probably happen. If you tell yourself that you are marketable and confident and that you will always be working, your words can make this true."

Keep thinking ahead.

If you're not following trends within your particular industry, you could be caught off guard by a layoff. Is your position or division vulnerable to outsourcing, further automation, or elimination? Brown-Volkman, whose practice is based in New York, says, "If your job is being eliminated or outsourced, you will want to know about it before you are in the room with the human resources person telling you that your job is going away."

She urges professionals, "Look for trends and then train yourself in growth areas. Having the right skills at the right time ensures that no matter what is happening around you, you will be needed and employable."

Keep your resume ready.

Having your resume at the ready gives you confidence. You always know that if opportunity casually knocks, you're prepared to answer. Brown-Volkman reminds her clients, "Even if you are not looking for work, your resume reminds you of the contributions you make on a regular basis, something you can easily forget when you are immersed in the day-to-day. Whether you are looking for a job, or you already have one, an updated resume is essential for your career."

Keep cultivating your network.

Brown-Volkman, author of "Don't Blow It: The Right Words for the Right Job," believes networking should always be a part of your professional life. She states, "If you start to network only when you need something, you will have a lot of catching up to do." Instead of waiting until the 11th hour, she advises workers to network in some way every day.

"Wherever there are people, there is an opportunity to network." She also urges workers to network within their own workplaces. If coworkers understand what you do and your value, this could help safeguard your job in dicey times.

Keep your eyes and ears open.

You're up on the trends. You're networking. You've got a current resume. You're thinking positive thoughts. Now it's time to get creative -- by creating your own opportunities.

Read up on what your peers are doing and what you aren't. Consider how you might strike out on your own -- or on the side. Brown-Volkman adds, "Rather than thinking, 'It cannot happen,' believe that what you want is possible and is within your reach. Then, make it happen."

TEN QUESTIONS?

2008-07-26T14:57:00.004-05:00

1. What is your favorite Love and Relationship belief?

2. Are you in a Loving Relationship?

3. What is the greatest problem with the opposite sex? State your sex: M or F?

4. Where you ever taught how to Love and how to have a healthy Love and Relationship?

5. What is Memphis’ greatest strength?

6. What is Memphis’ greatest weakness?

7. What do you want the opposite sex to know about your gender that they may not know?

8. What is your definition of Love?

9. What is your most heartfelt desire for Memphis?

10. How do you want your tombstone to read?

"WHY WON'T MEN OPEN UP AND ASK FOR HELP IN TIMES OF STRESS AND CRISIS!"

2008-07-26T14:17:00.008-05:00

Therapy: Man's Last Stand

Never quick to ask others for help, men often don't seek out much-needed therapy.

By: Carl Sherman

The woods are burning. The roof is falling in. The guy can't sleep, can't think and now he's having panic attacks.

Maybe it's time to consider therapy.

Then again, maybe not. The men of Metallica, it seems, broke new ground. "The average man is as likely to ask for help with a psychological problem as he is to ask for directions," says Terrence Real, executive director of the Relational Recovery Institute in Watertown, Massachusetts, and author of How Can I Get Through to You? Reconnecting Men and Women. The reluctance is always the same: Therapy is not "manly."

"We teach men to be almost the opposite of what's required for therapy," says Gary Brooks, professor of psychology at Baylor University in Texas and author of A New Psychotherapy for Traditional Men.

"By the time they're in elementary school, boys have gotten the message that showing sadness or fear is a sign of weakness," says Ronald F. Levant, dean of the Center for Psychological Studies at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Decades after the much trumpeted rise of the "sensitive" guy, most men continue to keep their feelings hidden—even from themselves. For many men, negative emotions arouse such shame and discomfort that they cease to experience them altogether. "The four words men most dread hearing from women are 'We have to talk,' as that invariably means talking about emotions," says Levant.

Yet somehow men do find themselves in therapy in increasing numbers. Twenty-two percent of men sought mental health treatment from 2002 to 2004, according to Therapy in America, a poll sponsored by Psychology Today and PacifiCare Behavioral Health, Inc. The survey found that men constitute 37 percent of the total number of patients in treatment. "More people are going into treatment overall, but the proportion of men to women has not changed," says Jerome Vaccaro, president and CEO of PacifiCare.

Granted, both men and women often opt for medication over talk therapy, but seek therapy men do. What makes them ink the appointment? More often than not, the impetus is a woman. A typical male patient has been sent—usually by his wife, girlfriend or children, sometimes by his employer. Behind the command performance is a threat: "You change, or it's all over."

"I call them 'wife-mandated referrals,'" says Real.

Although depression, anxiety and shame may lurk beneath the surface, what's on the table is usually relationship problems. To defend against unwelcome feelings, many men adopt an attitude of superiority, entitlement and contempt for others. "They're not in pain," says Real.

"The people around them are in pain."

The men who enter therapy of their own volition have often hit rock bottom, says Levant. The despair they've denied or stifled with alcohol or overwork has spiraled until they can't fake it anymore. Often, it's the collapse of a marriage—unexpected, because months or years of warning signs have been ignored. "These men are in a daze," Levant says. "They don't know what hit them."

Then there's the matter of stigma. More than one in five men in the Therapy in America survey said they didn't trust therapists and wouldn't want to be associated with the type of person who receives therapy. Only one in 10 women held these views. But such stigma appears to be in decline, thanks in part to Dr. Phil and Tony Soprano, who have eclipsed the uptight, cerebral Frasier and Woody Allen as exemplars of male therapist and client, respectively.

More good news: Once men get down to business, opening up often brings a rapid sense of relief. "They've admitted something they were ashamed of, gotten it off their chest, and the world hasn't collapsed," says Levant. Indeed, the survey found that men and women were equally satisfied with their treatment experience.

For men, the biggest hurdle, whether you're a world-class rocker or a certified public accountant, is getting in the door.

From Tony Todde': "We as men must become willing to work on our weaknesses. What makes a man a man, is one who knows were he is weak and moves to seek help" No man is an island! If you know that you are suffering from life's problems, this is the moment to to be courageous. There is no shame in getting better for you and the ones that love you!" Open Up and Get Help!

It's A New Day In Radio...

2008-07-25T23:36:00.008-05:00

CLICK ON IMAGE

Halle Berry, Gabriel Aubry and New Baby "Nahla Ariela Aubry"

2008-07-25T10:10:00.016-05:00

Nearly four months to the day since giving birth to her daughter, Halle Berry has given the world its first glimpse of Nahla Ariela Aubry.

Halle was photographed carrying her infant in Los Angeles on July 17.
The baby girl, born March 16, is the first child for the 41-year-old Oscar winner and her boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry.

Following Nahla’s birth, Halle spoke with Access Hollywood’s Nancy O’Dell about picking out a name.

“We didn’t have a name picked out until just before we left the hospital,” Halle told Nancy. “For us it was hard to name the most important person in our life until we met her.”

Halle and Gabriel, 32, met in November 2005.

While the couple has no plans to marry, in an October 2007 interview with Oprah Winfrey, Halle said she and Gabriel are fully committed to each other.

“I feel more married, in a way, than I ever have in two marriages before,” she told Oprah. “He really understands the spiritual connection is so much more important than the paper and the pomp and circumstance and the ceremony.”

Congratulations Halle!

"THE ROOTS OF UNHAPPINESS"

2008-07-19T02:07:00.014-05:00

“Be Ye Transformed By The Renewal of Your Mind" or remain a prisoner of your own beliefs: Until we start uprooting the true causes of our unhappiness - we will never be happy, nor will we live our best lives, nor reach our greatest potentials! The Pillars on the road to happiness: Honesty, Trust, Acceptance, Awareness, Healing Damaged Relationships and Service!

Something we all must recognize and understand about ourselves: Our personality is not our real self. That's Right, My personality is not me! The sum of a person’s beliefs, attitudes and behaviors is their personality – but this is not who I am.

My “Inner Self” is the real me. The personality is the baggage that our consciousness carries around, so that it can deal with the world to get what it needs. The personality is a life-long accumulation of beliefs collected from family, friends,co-workers, church members and my overall environment, etc, - but it is not who I am –really! My “Inner Self” is who I am…but most of us do not know it yet.

We all must come to the realization, that my inner man and my inner woman wants to show itself for who it really is, but there is a problem - the personality wants to remain in control. My unreal self, the part of me that wears a mask and smiles when I'm dying inside. The part of me that wants everyone to like me, the part of me that's afraid to challenge my weaknesses. Most of us are afraid to show people who we really, because most of us believe that "if I show you my vulnerbilities and weaknesses, the world will not like me - and on top of that, the world will destroy me! Not True! My Personality is not the real me! Until I allow my inner man or inner woman to begin to express itself through my personality and not the the reverse... I will remain unhappy! Now is the time to begin the walk and the journey through the pillars towards real happiness...

Words Have Power!: "So As A Man or Woman Thinketh In Their Heart, So Is He or She"

2008-07-18T22:46:00.010-05:00

I AM…

WHO I THINK

I AM…

Tony Todde' © 2000

When I Change My Mind,
I Change My Destiny,
My Money and My Power…
Tony Todde' © 2000

A WOMAN’S GREATEST
ASSET IS HER MIND!
Tony Todde' © 2000

Beauty & Brains Can
Co-Exist in the Same Anatomy
Tony Todde ©2000

I AM A MAN!

The Cause of School Violence, Delinquent Behavior and the Answers to Up-Root the Problem!

2008-07-18T11:03:00.012-05:00

What is at the root of all bad behavior at Schools or Anywhere? The Environment? No! Economic Conditions? No! The Lack of Parental Involvement? Yes and No! The Teachers? Yes and No! The Politicians entrusted with the Leadership of the School System. Yes and No!

The first step in uprooting bad behavior is to ask rooted questions: What is at the root of bad behavior? We all should know that mis-behaving on a small scale, grows into worst behavior -which is Violence and Murder (fully grown). Example: If we were trying to control a lawn with weeds (crab grass, dandelions, etc.), we would call in a lawn company to "treat" the grass (treat the weeds and help to grow the non-weeded grass) so that the good grass would have a greater opportunity to grow and not be "choked-out" by the weeds, while killing the growth of the weeds at the root". Have any of you ever seen weeds as tall as a house? How is that possible? Answer: No treatment or uprooting the weeds when they were small! "Train up a child in the way that he or she should go and when old he or she will not depart."

How do we begin the "treatment" of bad behavior? We must answer the first question: What controls everyone's behavior -good or bad? And, what is at the root of bad behavior? Answer: Bad Thoughts! Somewhere I read, "So as a man or woman thinketh in the heart (mind) so is he or she! This also applies to young people, as well as adults. Somewhere, I also read: "Be ye transformed by the renewal of your mind!" (not by the clothes you wear, where you live, who my parents are, or what type of home I live in, or car I drive, which girl or boy I like, But by the renewing of my mind.

We have to treat the bad thoughts, false beliefs, and total mis-perceptions and mis-conceptions that students have about themselves, about their peers, about school, about how the world really works and more importantly, about God!

The treatment of bad behavior is very powerful and simple: in order to change behavior, we must replace bad thoughts, false beliefs, imprisoned thinking (weeds), with good thoughts, right beliefs, and real experiences - versus assumed lifestyles on BET, MTV and those peer influences my personality conceives at school: teaching students honesty, truth, inner young man and young woman awareness of who they really are and not who they think they are.

We have to begin the enormous process of getting the root of students false beliefs!!!!!!

I am a tremendous advocate for cognitive therapy, behavioral modification and character development in our public school system, as a permanent curriculum - like , math, science, history, english, and foreign languages, etc. - knowing how the thought process operates and how it determines how I make decisions, decisions that determine my behavioral - is the greatest science of all the sciences and one of the greatest courses that could be offered to students. "SO AS A MAN OR WOMAN THINKETH IN THEIR HEART (MIND), SO IS HE OR SHE!" "Be Ye Transformed By the Renewal of My Mind"

We must begin to advocate for behavioral modification as a permenent curriculum in our public school system - NOW!

"When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny, My Money and My Power!"

Who is a Virtuous Woman?

2008-07-18T09:45:00.003-05:00

Virtuous: Moral excellence and righteousness; goodness. An example or kind of moral excellence: the virtue of patience. Chastity: especially in a woman. A particularly efficacious, good, or beneficial quality; advantage: a plan with the virtue of being practical. Effective force or power: believes in the virtue of prayer.

Proverbs 31:

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

SERENITY

2008-07-17T11:41:00.004-05:00

"GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY (peace of mind, heart-ease, tranquility, peacefulness) TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE AND THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS THAT I CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!"

"CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN ?????"

2008-07-16T23:01:00.014-05:00

Could the Obama run for the presidency be more than an awakening of race relations in the United States? Could it be a call to every American and Human Being in the world to take a look at what's really going in our hearts? Are we really open to differences in others different from ourselves? Could it be a moment in our history to shine a spotlight on what we say and stand for outwardly versus what we think and harbor in our inner thoughts? Just maybe, this great event is not political, but spiritual? Just maybe, we are witnessing a "promise land" moment, not just for a race or group, but maybe, just maybe, a movement toward atonement and realignment of the stars in our hearts? If this is the case, then this is truly "Change We Can Believe In" and "Change" we need!

"When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny, My Money and My Power"

2008-07-16T20:32:00.003-05:00

I truly believe that the more we know, the more we grow: mind, body and soul.

Who we are and who we believe we are - as Memphians, Tennesseans, Americans, and members of the Human Race have always been a developing journey and adventure in life. We all have to begin to merge our true identity with the perceived realities of our own existence.

Since time and memorial, women have had to struggle with the misperception that having beauty and brains could not co-exist in the same anatomy.

For centuries, women have had to accent who they are and why they are with external extras that accented their beauty only, while having to prove to the world, that they were and are worthy of glamour and intelligence simultaneously.

I know all too well that beauty and brains can and does co-exist in the embodiment of every woman and continues to exist with women across this city, county, state, nation and the world.

The belief that, “When I Change My Mind, I Change My Destiny, My Money and My Power,” does not apply to the male species of the universe only, but has always resided powerfully in women, since the beginning of time.

So, as women move forward toward their already existing greatness and more towards their untapped gifts and purposes, they are choosing to listen more and more to their inner woman that knows that women are phenomenal and that a woman’s greatest asset is her mind.

I also believe, that “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am sure that having courage under fire and the inner spirit to believe that tomorrow will be better than today – continues to be the hallmark of men in this city, county, state, nation and around the globe.

I have a confidence and a rich understanding that men of greatness will continue to endeavor with all deliberate speed to achieve excellence for themselves, their families and their communities.

Most of us have more worth and value than we are truly aware of. We sometimes journey through life, hoping and praying for that magical moment and time to appear, when the discovery of our greatness will manifest itself towards us. I believe that moment is now!

I believe that our true greatness is within us and having that belief will lead us to our true purpose and destiny on earth.

When we choose to believe the best in ourselves and the best in our future; we can help others to believe and achieve their own personal greatness and purpose.

We are… who we think we are! “When We Change Our Mind, We Change Our Destiny, Our Money and Our Power.”

Tony Todde'